Don't We Live the Life

Rock on gold dust woman...

2007-12-17T22:42:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile.

But in the spirit of the holidays, I present a Christmas tradition. The year in review post. Always fun to write, and then read the ones from before. My how things change........

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Moved in with a boy.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year, I wrote that I wanted to take better care of myself and eat better. I think I've actually been more sickly and unhealthy this year than ever, so i guess that I failed at that one. This year, I have no idea. I never keep any resolutions anyway.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but I do know a lot of pregnant folk at the moment.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. It was weird to go to a funeral for somebody my own age.

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A car! Or, on a less tangible level some stability inside this head of mine. Um.. not in the I'm crazy sense, but more in the.... I don't know how to articulate this fully sense.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I'm bad with specific dates, but I would say grad day it up there

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating university

9. What was your biggest failure?
School. And not being true to some things in my life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yeah. But lets not get into it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Tickets to Europe.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My friends. All of them. I love you.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Some people who I thought were important in my life, but really weren't.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Saving for my trip and booze.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
EUROPE!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Drawing a blank on this one as always. I can't pin down my experiences to just one song. The Band maybe? I don't know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder? . ii. thinner or fatter? .iii. richer or poorer?
happier, thinner, much poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging out and partying. Reading for fun and artistic endeavors, such as writing, painting and photography.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Working

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Who knows this year. It's going to be a different one for sure.

As always, question 21 is missing for some unknown reason.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yes

23. How many one-night stands?
None. I am a committed lady these days

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Pure shit TV. I'm actually pretty embarrassed about it.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hating requires a lot of energy. Disappointment is a much more apt term.

26. What was the best book you read?
None! Ha! I am a lazy fucker. I can't even remember the last full book I read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I rediscovered a lot of old classics.

28. What did you want and get?
Bagged me a man, a nice apartment and a trip to Europe.

29. What did you want and not get?
Lots of money

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Again, I can never keep track of this stuff.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Three-way joint birthday party at the Shoeshop. We had a stolen birthday cake, all our friends and a bottle of Dom.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A smoother summer

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Confused

34. What kept you sane?
Friends, my vices, yoga (how gay is that!?)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I actually vowed to stop perpetuating the cult of celebrity, and so I stopped reading gossip blogs, and limited my entertainment TV watching and the like.

36. What political issue stirred you the most
The justice system? I don't know..

37. Who did you miss?
Friends both near and far.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Most of the kids

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
I think i need to sort this out before i can learn from it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I got nothing....

Pistols and daggers and the murdering braggers

2007-05-11T18:21:00.000-03:00

To some I guess this may seem like an ode to dissatisfaction, it's not.. not really at least. It's not meant in an accusatory tone, or as something directed to any one person in particular. It is simply how I feel, and thus I write about it.

Ooohhh a disclaimer.....

Anyway...

Lately I am filled with this almost overwhelming urge to just pack my bags, sell my stuff, say fuck the consequences and just leave. Just go and get out of dodge. I'm talking not call anybody, not tell anybody, leave only a note of assurance that I will be ok and just leave. I just feel like I have been inherently unhappy in my surrounding for a really long time. That is not to say that I have been consistently unhappy with my life and those who are in it; but its more like a deep rooted thing I guess.
I feel kind of stuck here, I live this weird sort of dual life under the thumb of my parents whom I feel obligated to pander and please. I have to do well in school, not fuck up, keep my life together when most of the time all I want to do is go and be incredibly irresponsible, and make stupid choices and abuse my body with drugs and alcohol and worry about the consequences of my actions later.
This is a feel that has been brewing for 4 years, essentially ever since I moved out. I often say, and truly feel, that I am the oldest 22 year old around. I should be doing stupid things now while I still can, before it's time to "grow up". Yet, I can't even smoke a joint with my friends because my deep rooted anxiety takes ahold of me and erases all traces of rational thought, leaving me panic ridden and uncomfortable and inevitable even more miserable.

Today I was having a conversation about my parents favourite topic: What are you going to do with your life; explain to me right now, providing logical and well thought out plans, both financially and logistically, in 100 words or less, so we can then proceed to shoot everything down and make you feel like a child again. Ready, and go.

I have never in my life been allowed to get into trouble and get myself out of it. I live this weird independent yet so incredibly dependent existence. It's starting to feel like I am actually being suffocated.

There is simultaneously so much in my life right now that I am incredibly unhappy with and yet there are other parts that I am so overwhelmingly happy with that its such a strange feeling. I want to leave and not be noticed, yet actually doing it would be crippling.

What is there to even do about this? I feel like I am running into, backing up, and running into a wall; like my wheels are stuck in the mud... like... you get the metaphoric references. I get so angsty when I get frustrated. The only thing left to do is dye my hair black and comb it into my eyes....... I already have the angles down...

Truth is I'm having trouble just carrying ooooonnnn

2007-03-26T17:08:00.000-03:00

So when one has nearly 3000 songs on their computer its easy to forget/ overlook new music, and apparently I was on some sort of country honk rock and roll kick, or I wasn't and didn't realize it. Anyway, the point of the story is I just found a song with Jim Cuddy from Blue Rodeo on vocals and Wilco as the backing band that is totally old country and I'm pretty much totally in love with it. Don't be alarmed by the topic of this entry. I am fine and having no trouble carrying on. It's a lyric from said song.

Now that we have that out of the way...

1 week of school remains, all that stand between me and a relaxing 3 week break before summer school is 3 papers. One I have the rough draft done and a bunch of comments/ ideas to finish it, another i have a detailed outline, and another is only 6 pages long. Here in lies the problem. I am one lazy motherfucker. I really want to be finished with all this shite by April 10. Then I would have bearly a month of pre summer vaca, vaca. I think that would be amazing. I have 3 months of Vogue to catch up on. Not to mention cuntless hours of sleep, movies and things around the apartment to do. Stay tuned to see if I can buckle down and get things accomplished.......

Part of this is dependent upon how confident I am in my academic abilities. Part of my weekly school routine now involves feeling intensely competent at one moment and then incredible dumb at the next. It's been a rollercoaster ride this semester in regards to my smartness. It's not a plea for ego boosting, it's more a reflection.

I've also been thinking about writing more and more as an art form. Its not much different from creating a painting or writing a song, the medium is inherently what changes. There's mediocre art, music and writing, but what takes great works to the next level? There's technique in art, theory and a grasp of rhythm, scales etc in music, and sentence structure and grammer in writing, but what else? A song can be technically solid and still suck, same with a painting, if you don't have the inherent something else to make something good great, then what do you do? Do you have to be content to strive for what amounts to mediocrity, or can you learn to be better? Often when I write things it just happens. I don't consciously think about it, the words fall onto the page. The more structured I get the worse it comes out sounding. I also have a very basic understanding of grammer and sentence structure, I know the basics, but if I were asked to articulate it to somebody I would have no diea how to explain the basic concepts of language and sentence structure. It Just Happens. I just do it, and somehow it always seems to work out.

Part of what really excites me about writing is getting to play with language and see how fluid it is. Also at the same time, whenever I write, there is a small part of me that has Orwell's Politics in the English Language in the back of my head the whole time.

Part of what worries me the most about next year (and the next year, depending on how things work out) is not being in an envoronment that constantly challenegs my mind and writing skills. Left to my own devices I will read magazines and trashy novels exclusively. I don't want to let my mind get fat and out of shape. But I also feel mentally like I am on the home stretch of a 100mile marathon and I need to rest my aching feet and recover a bit.
It's a quandry for sure....

Time for my pre-dinner cocktail hour now....
yeah mint bailey's.....

I'm going to make a lot of money then I'm going to quit this crazy scene

2007-02-23T15:06:00.000-04:00

Essay time, which of course really means update time.

I can say with considerable authority that this has been the worst spring break in the history of spring breaks. It's been one thing after another. It's been epically bad really, there's been floods, death(ok just my fish...), destruction, injury etc etc.

So now here I sit eating chips, or rather kind of sucking on them because my teeth hurt, attempting to struggle my way through a 12 page rough draft essay on why highways are American culture and why American culture is highways.

I've been watching movies lately, and by watching movies I mean I've been falling asleep halfway through a lot of movies lately.

Of particular note, Where the Buffalo Roam which chronicles the antics of Hunter S. Thompson who died just over 2 years ago during Spring Break when I was in Toronto. Of course, I feel asleep about 30min into it, but it was good. Seeing Bill Murray as HST was weird, as I am a huge fan of Fear and Loathing and Johnny Depp does a realyl fucking good job in that movie.

I also fell asleep during American Pyscho, which for what I was awake for seemed pretty damn good. It was meant to be a social critique of the 1980s, but I think it's really apt for today as well. It made me think more than any movie has for a long time, which is pretty cool.

I also finally saw Little Miss Sunshine. Hilarious, and dark. Which is super cool.

Musically, I watched Almost Famous (for the 98273th time) and realized how much I love the soundtrack for that movie and commend Cameron Crowe for spending an ass load of money on the music budget. As a result, I decided to download a lot of the songs from it. One of them of course is Joni Mitchell's River. Now, I realize as a Canadian I have a certain obligation or something to listen to Joni Mitchell. I kind of equate her with Margaret Atwood for some reason. And like Margaret Atwood, I have not paid a lot of attention to Joni Mitchell's music. But also like Margaret Atwood, what little bits of her work I have looked into, I really enjoy.

But especially River. I am really digging River right now.

I also got a lot of Rod Stewart..... but lets not talk about that. And Elton John... Because I also realized my immense appreciation for his stuff. Well, some of it atleast.

I feel really uninspired lately. I don't want to do my readings, I don't want to write my essays, even though the major essays I have to do are like super incredibly cool and inspiring topics to write about. I just feel like I can't be bothered. My idea of a rocking good night is being in bed before 1am...
Here's the most shocking revelation, I haven't been to a bar in over 2 weeks, nor have I been drunk in probably longer than that. Even more shocking is the fact that I haven't been to the Alehouse in over a month.

I need a reading week from reading week.

Geezers Need Excitement

2007-01-27T11:34:00.000-04:00

So, the other day, this article caught my attention on the CBC homepage. I suggest checking it out, but for those of you too lazy to, I understand. I will summerize because its a key piece of information for my intended rant. It's essentially about this new age of hipster parents who still dress, behave and consume as though they were still in their 20s, they're just doing it with bigger paycheques. They're getting married and having kids and are just totally wallowing in how ironic it is that they have kids. This article in particular goes on about alternative parenting websites that are pretty much dedicated to have stupid kids are and stuff.

I mean, before you're all like "but Mel, I thought YOU didn't like kids either?" allow me to clarify. Kids are fine, I wish them no harm. I've never been around many kids except for in the instances that I'm going to outline below, and that folks, is why I am skeptical of kids... but after reading the CBC article as well as this article I think I am finally realizing some things.

I guess what this sort of stems from is the presence of kids in places where they just shouldn't be. The second article I linked mentions a "mommy and me" happy hour at some New York bar. Seriously? Fuck off. I mean really.

My big beef though, and the thing that I've had the most experience with is kids at coffee shops like starbucks and the like. One of my all time favourite ways to spend a Saturday morning is to get a copy of the Saturday Globe and Mail and a grande non-fat vanilla late and sit in Starbucks and read the paper. It's an excellent way to start the day. The Saturday G and M has the style and travel sections as well as cartoons and coffee is delicious at any time of the day. But what stops me from doing this every Saturday morning is knowing that while enjoying my coffee and newspaper there will be a proliferation of snot nosed children screaming and running around while their yuppy parents talk about yuppy parent things.

There is nothing more obnoxious in this world than parents who take their children somewhere and then because they are confined within a set space think that there is no need to pay attention to them and discipline them. It's the same thing as working in a restaurant in the summer time. Inevitably there are those parents who just let their kids run wild in the restaurant for people to trip over and get annoyed with.

And so I always wondered who these people were... and now I know thanks to these two articles.

The NY Magazing article talks about this recent trend in "grups" as a statement of cultural reclaiming. Gen Xers are refusing to grow up in a statement of rebellion against their parents. Who wouldn't want to never "grow up"? Or who wouldn't want to grow up just enough to have lots of money and be able to buy expensive things will still being able to dress and act like a 21 ear old? Fucking sign me up. But wait...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that most 20 year olds don't still play with lego or barbies everyday and colour and play outside. Who wouldn't want to escape the responsibilities of paying bills, going to work and going to school for a slice of childhood carefree living? I know that I would trade all the daily troubles and responsibilities of my life for a step back into to carefree living if I could. But the fact is, we grew up. It's what happens. As you get older you're supposed to leave behind certain things and find joy and fulfullment in others.

It's just a very interesting subset of people emerging. Who hasn't thought that they would like to be the "cool" mom or dad. I know I sure have. Nobody wants to be the strict, obnoxious, over-protective parent. These people are just taking it a step further. What are their kids going to be like?

The future is not in good hands.

we scratch our eternal itch, a twentieth centruy bitch

2007-01-21T17:38:00.000-04:00

So....

My calm feeling and happiness with this semester at school lasted for a shorter time than I had predicted. I am officially no longer graduating in May.

I'm only taking 3 classes this semester and then I will hopefully pick up the other 2 credits I need in the early summer session.

Also, I'm no longer going to have a double major in English. I hate English. And if I didn't speak it, I would never want to have anything to do with it whatsoever anymore.

Essentially, my emphasis on history over english for the past 3 and a half years ended up putting me in an extreme disadvantage when it came down to fourth year seminars. It's not often that I feel stupid for extended periods of time when reading things or discussing things in class. Obviously, this is not a feeling that I enjoy as I know that I'm not stupid. Annnyway to make a big long sob story short, I just don't have the background reading and interprative skills to deal with being in an intense english setting.

Also, my intense urge to scream things like, "are you fucking kidding me?" and "fuck off, it doesn't have a hidden meaning" and the likes alerted me to the fact that I would much rather just read books for the sake of enjoying reading rather than have to deconstruct everything to the point of absurdity.

I'm pretty sure queer theory didn't exist in the 18th century, and I'm pretty sure neither did feminst discourse. Fuck off. It's a story. Not an allegory for the modern condition of life etc etc.

Phew.

Anyway... the support of this decision has been pretty clutch and I no longer feel like I have a bag of rocks on my shoulders at all times. I actually felt 100lbs lighter when I web dropped my classes.

In short, this is a good thing. A minor setback, but a good thing.

My university time has been anything but a smooth ride, so why should my final year be any different?

And so, in celebration (i guess?) of my new found freedom from the chains of a thousand stupid words in 20 stupid books I went on a bender this weekend and had a really great time.

I started Wednesday and finished on Saturday and I had a really fucking good time.

Me and Kate bought tickets for the Canadian figure skating championships this weekend, so from Thursday-Saturday I spent aprox. 7 hours a day in an arena watching skating and drinking beer.

Thursday night we discovered that it was possible to watch skating, and drink reasonably priced draft all at the same time and so by the time we left the Metre Centre to go for a late dinner we were pretty intoxicated, although that lack of ability for clear judgement caused us much agony, I believe everything will be all right in the end.

Friday was more skating, and then getting all fancied up and attending a James Bond themed party where we got kicked out in the most intense fashion I have ever experienced. I'm talking more intense then in high school when the cops would crash a party and come into the house looking for underage drinkers. Annnyway... long story short, it turned into a really good night, of which I only have a vague and somewhat disjointed recollection of.

Saturday sucked. I don't remember the last time I was that hung over, and I actually had the shakes until I managed to consume a Caeser.. then I felt better....

Anyway wicked weekend... I am super looking forward to school now. 3 history classes, class 2 days a week... Rock on.

Then magnificenty we will float into the mystic

2007-01-09T20:46:00.000-04:00

When I graduate univeristy I am going to write a letter to the fine folks who make Fruit Loops and tell them how their cereal has fed me for 4 years and no doubt contributed to my successes.

The end is in sight, and despite my near temper tantrum actions I don't think this semester is going to be as bad as I had built it up to be.

Of coure, ask me again in a month when all my first assignments are due and I am over worked and over tired.

I'm taking an entire class on Victorian exhibitions in Canada, and I'm going to write a long winded and creepy essay on Victorian era freakshows.
I also am making my first step towards becoming a real academic by presenting a paper at an academic conference that I was invited to partake in. I really hope I like it, because if not my already shakey life plans will once again be ruined; or altered at the very least.

Life is good I think. I'm feeling pretty content, but also teetering on the edge of minor freakouts at pretty much the drop of a hat. I'm pretty anxious about what April will bring, but more so than that I am terrified about August. I mostly just don't want to move my life across a great distance again. All of my stuff fits perfectly inside this apartment that I miss more than I can describe when I am not here. This place is home more than any other place I've been in recent memory. I did a small dance when I got back here after Christmas vaca. True story.

I also like this city, despite the fact that it rains pretty much every day. It occured to me yesterday during the monsoon that was going on that it should have been a massive grind-the-city-to-a-halt snow storm, but instead I just got kind of soaked and cranky.

I also realize that come september, most of the people who make my life so amazing will be leaving to see what else is out there and that staying around might invole the same feeling as being at a party well after its reached its peak. You know, that awkward ahh shit I should have left an hour ago feeling but now I feel obligated to stay kind of feeling.

I guess I have a lot of decisions to make, but I also keep telling myself to stop thinking about it and stop keeping myself up at night because these aren't the kind of things that I can solve in the immediate future. This is most definately a wait it out and see type of situation, which drives me nuts because as much as I like the chaos and spontanity that usually defines my life, I also like to have the answers. I like to know whats going on in the big picture even though I like, and thrive on, the confusion of the moment.

Despite my previous ode to Fruit Loops, I've actually been doing a fairly good job of sticking to my New Years resolution of eating better thus far. Which is cool, because some of my previous resolutions have lasted all of a day (if that even).

And that about sums that up.

My Pop Quiz Kid

2006-12-31T13:37:00.000-04:00

We all know that I can be a lazy SOB, and this post is no exception.

It's the end of another year and here is yet another year in review type of thing, add it to the barrage of other ones floating around. Real update to follow maybe... But probably not for a few days. I would not recommend holding your breath in anticpation.

And go.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Went on a killer roadtrip

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
It says here, circa last year that my resolution was to: "I think I need to have fun, take things less seriously and remember how to just chill the fuck out again." I'll drink to that. Fairly successful completion of those goals especially this summer. This summer was fun. And chill. As far as further resolutions for this year, I'd like to eat better and more frequently, and take care of myself a bit better in general.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope. Baby Free 'round these parts.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope, death free too thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
Toronto

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
A plan for my life

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 1 through August 31 because those were 4 of the most fun/best months of my life.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Doing as well in school as I did last year while working 30-40 hours a week

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not keeping in touch

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing serious, mostly just minor scrapes and headaches, caused by drinking mostly...

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A Wilco ticket

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
A few people. I don't like to name names, but I definately have a few heroes in my friends.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Again, not into naming names. Just please be safe.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Alcohol, meals out, and shoes

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
ROADTRIP! Wilco concert, my potluck party

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
The entire Arcade Fire album Funeral

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder? . ii. thinner or fatter? .iii. richer or poorer?
happier, thinner and richer. booya.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Laundry

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Laundry

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
It was spent at home in Chester. It was much different than last year and I will leave it at that.

The person I stole this from deleted #21 I guess and I can't be assed to renumber the rest.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Yes. with my life and a lot of the people who are in it right now

23. How many one-night stands?
One

24. What was your favorite TV program?
What not to Wear

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think I really hate anybody... stronlgy dislike, sure...

26. What was the best book you read?
I know this will cause some eye rolling, but Rivethead by Ben Hamper.. it was for school, and it was an account from a Michigan car factory worker.. and yeah I know... but it was really cool...

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Wilco, even though I didn't discover them this year, but I discovered my like for them..
That and Hip Hop. I have a newfound and intense appreciation for hip hop
Whitest white girl ever..

28. What did you want and get?
A bitchin place to live

29. What did you want and not get?
A winning lottery ticket and A+s

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
NO idea

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to Split Crow Power Hour for the first time, split a tray of 28 beer, and didn't stop until the wee hours of the morning. 21 has been good to me.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
This year was pretty damn satisfying

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Street Couture... I like sneakers a lot...

34. What kept you sane?
My friends, lunch at Coburg Coffee House, cigarettes, alcohol

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I grew an intense respect and like for John Stewart, but I wouldn't say that I fancied him...

36. What political issue stirred you the most
The war in Iraq

37. Who did you miss?
Various peoples in Ottawa

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Shannon M. and Jenna D.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Roll with it. It makes things more interesting

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy sweet darlin' lets go dancing tonight....

Why don't you want to play, I'm tired of this piece of string..

2006-12-07T12:53:00.000-04:00

This is a post dedicated to the sketchy people I have encountered upon moving into the illustrious South End.

I should preface this by saying that one of my favourite activities is people watching. As a result I have become very astute at observing people and what they look like/ are wearing etc. One of my favourite activities is sitting on my door ledge to my patio which faces the street, and since I live on the 2nd floor, its a great place to watch people.

The very first week I lived here I had some people over for some beers before we were going to a bar, and it was still warm enough to sit out on the patio, and so we were enjoying the summer's night. This dude stumbles over the lawn and begins to tell us this crazy story about how he crashed his car and he was kind of fucked up from that and the car was at the towing company thats just down the street and he was just looking for a place to stay for the night. So he was wondering if we knew of any place that he could stay, aka if he could stay at my place, and if that wasn't kosher, if we could spot him any cash to get the bus home. (the imaginary bus that leaves halifax in the middle of the night). Naturally, we tell him, sorry dude can't help you and so he stumbled off into the night.

The other sketchy encounter happened about a week ago. I was walking home around 6pmish and I had my giant headphones on, and just as I got outside my building, this very well dressed, clean cut dude in his mid-20s stopped me on the street. He then told me this crazy story about how he had to get back to his boat, but he was drunk, but he had to go get his uniform, but he was drunk, and he had to get back to the boat (keep in mind I live aprox. 4 minutes from the harbour) and he wanted to know if I could give him any money. I told him (honestly) that I really didn't have a single cent on me, then he asked if I thought I'd have more on me later, and if that was the case, could he have my number so he could call me later to see if I had any cash. At this point I smiled and walked away.

All this is not to mention the lady who throws rocks at my patio window to signal that she is there to pick up my recyclables. Though, half the time it just freaks me out and I hide and forget that its her to give her the bottles....

Then, there are the people that I silently observe while taking breaks on my patio door ledge.

I notice that it is mostly the men that have the most glaring fashion things going on. For instance, the first night I witnessed man Uggs, I thought that the world was literally about to end. He had sweat pants tucked into them and everything like every single obnoxious DAL Toronto girl. I wanted to scream. Naturally, I couldn't resist calling an equally fashion interested friend and expressing my horror to him.

Then last night, I saw a guy with a white leather man purse, but he was walking with his girl friend as they were holding hands and walking really close together. Now, I'm no expert, and I mean, I do read Vogue and Nylon every month and I like to think I know whats goin on with fashion, but man purses? Really? Like, really?? Jeeze...

Either way, I seem to always live in colourful neighbourhoods when left to my own devices to find housing. (See Gilmour Street, Ottawa.). But that's cool, because it gives me things to write about....

Open your eyes, put it in drive, get on the road and just go

2006-11-26T21:05:00.000-04:00

All I really want to do is rant and rave about how I don't know if I can keep going at the pace I'm going for much longer and how I have this irrepressible urge to punch certain people right now and how stressed I am and bla bla bla

But instead, I will leave you with this completely irrelevant survey type thing which will hopefully bring us close together.

1. How old will you be in five years?
26

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Me, Danielle and a little class I'd like to call Landscape History.

3. How tall are you?
5'8''

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Being done school, getting drunk, staff party, getting drunk, sleeping, being done school, getting drunk and sleeping in Oh and TV. I'm looking forward to getting to know my TV again.

5. What's the last movie you saw?
Rounders

6. Who was the last person you called?
Kate

7. Who was the last person to call you?
Kate

8. What was the last text message you received?
Jenna Dickie! Asking me to use my managerial powers for the good of the world.... or something like that.

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
My Maaaaaa

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
I believe that texting is a step towards the degeneration of the English language. But I do use them from time to time, and sure do like to receive them.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Being yelled at by drunk people at work.

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Married

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
That night that my parents took me out for dinner and then I ended up crying 10min into the meal and me and my dad still aren't really on speaking terms...

14. What color are your eyes?
Dark Blue

15. What time did you wake up today?
1pmish... Definitely missed my 10am wake up call..

16. What are you wearing right now?
black polo shirt, black yoga pants, undies

17. What is your favorite christmas song?
Christmas Baby Please Come Home- U2

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
In bed or on a beach

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Anywhere I am cold and uncomfortable. and the library. I fucking hate the library.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Transcontinental road-trip

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
Who knows.....

22. Do you tan or burn?
Burn like fire

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
These things that lived under my bed and between the pages of my books called Hubbas.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Talking to Kate on the phone

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One and it is tiny, but i am passionately in love with it and the sweet sweet satellite signals it receives

26. How big is your bed?
Double. I like to sprawl

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Desktop for now... though its been acting up lately and I want to replace it with a newer and sexier version.

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Clothes... I get cold at night

29. What color are your sheets?
Bright Orange and Bright Pink.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2

31. What is your favorite season?
Summer, especially the one that just passed

32. What do you like about fall?
Walking outside in a heavy sweater, the cool air filling my lungs and turning my cheeks pink and walking through deep leaves

33. What do you like about winter?
Snow days = random adventures when the city shuts down

34. What do you like about the summer?
Spending every waking second with my friends, no school and sunshine

35. What do you like about spring?
The knowledge that school is almost done and summer is within reach

36. How many provinces have you lived in?
2- NS and Onterrible

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Chester Basin (booming metropolis!), Ottawa (our nations capital, where one my my favourite pass times was drinking coffee while sitting beside the peace flame) and Halifax (I like it here.)

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Bare Feet. Socks are rotten

39. Are you a social person?
I suppose so. I'm pretty weary of anything new, including people. But I do warm up eventually

40. What was the last thing you ate?
Giant salad, fries and a chocolate shake with Dani. Best Sunday night supper ever.

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Old Triangle in Halifax and Zak's in Ottawa

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
Coffee

43. What is your favorite dessert?
Black Forest Cake

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
I'm not really a soup person per say, but I do enjoy the occasional bowl of Campbell's Tomato, so long as its cream of tomato, and I also enjoy the Lipton Chicken Noodle soup that you make from the powder with the tiny noodles in it and no visible signs of chicken

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
First of all, no PB just the J and then it has to be strawberry.

46. Do you like Chinese food?
I sure do

47. Do you like coffee?
I have a cup every morning

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
I try to be pretty good about the water consumption. For all the poison that goes into my body I like to atleast try to keep it balanced out with water.

49. What do you drink in the morning?
Juice and coffee. Sometimes a tea instead

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
I sleep sprawled out in the centre, usually on my right side

52. Do you know how to play poker?
5 Card and Texas Hold 'em

53. Do you like to cuddle?
Most of the time... I am also a person who likes their space from time to time

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
I've only NOT been there once...

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
With some things... but generally not

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
If by eat at home you mean, toast my own bagels, then yes.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
A few people... nobody off the top of my head that are really important come to mind

59. Do you want kids?
I want them, I don't necessarily want to have them though... that part is still up in the air for me.

60. Do you speak any other languages?
Francais and Deutch

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
16 as a matter of fact

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Thats a negative

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
The Ocean, because I can't swim very well, so its hard to walk with your feet in a pool.

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
Window seat, again, I like my space and it makes for good leaning for sleeping

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
Its what I learned to drive with

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Alcohol and ebay treasures

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
4 rings, and 2 earrings

68. What is your favorite TV show?
Tough call.. I'm a big fan of CSI (except for NY), Sex and the City is good, Boondocks is a recent obsession, Weeds, and America's Top Model is my guilty pleasure show

69. Can you roll your tongue?
no

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
I have a lot of funny friends. It's a requirement I have

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
No. I left my bunny at home when I moved into my first "adult" apartment.

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
It's always on vibrate, but when its not, its the theme song from Fragle Rock

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
No, but I do have a few things from high school kicking around still

74. What red object is closest to you right now?
Swingline Stapler a la Office Space

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
Usually

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Always closed

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Bear

78. Do you flirt a lot?
Not really

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I don't really eat chicken nuggets that much... but when i do, I like to dip them in honey

80. What is your favorite food?
Garlic Fingers from Tony's

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
I can pour it in, but as far as taking anything out? Thats a big negative

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No, but I've been in the car twice when the drivers have (both in the same day as a matter of fact)

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
No

84. What is your usual bedtime?
Whenever my head hits the pillow. This week alone it ranged between the hours of 10pm and 5am

85. What was the last book you read?
I am in the process of reading Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Isiguro

86. Do you read the newspaper?
No, but I read the cbc.ca webpage every day

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No. I move too much for that. But I do buy Vogue and Nylon every month, which is like having a subscription

89. Do you watch soap operas?
No, but I used to enjoy watching Coronation Street

90. Do you dance in the car?
No, but I sure do sing

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
89.9 HAL FM

92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
Me and Dani on my 21st birthday

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
"Cancel e-music trial subscription"

94. What is your favorite candle scent?
Never really thought about that

95. What is your favorite board game?
Trivial pursuit or Monopoly

97. When was the last time you attended church?
Ha! When's the last time I got struck by lightening?! Oh wait. NEVER.

98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
Mrs. Martin. She was pretty damn cool. She brought us all in lunch one day.

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
Ugh. I can make it one night max before I get cold and angry in a tent

100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?
Ohh... good question.. My friends bought all my drinks on Friday night, but it was more to force me to get drunk despite my protestations...

I know I often ask too much when I think nobody is listening

2006-11-10T13:33:00.000-04:00

I had this crazy dream last night (this morning?) that I was back in high school, and I had to cook a stirfry, but I couldn't because I had to be at figure skating practice like 10min ago, but the vegetables for the sitrfry were already washed and ready to go...
I think this means that I've had enough of this freaking liquid diet and I want some solid food like mad, and also I miss figure skating.

or something.

So i officially joined the legions of people who actually purchase online music versus just stealing it. I bought my very first i-tunes song last night. I was going through my old tapes (thats right, I have a very extensive tape collection) and I found the song, "The Reason Why I'm Shy" by The Inbreds . They sound like they should have hailed from Halifax circa Thursh Hermit, Sloan and that whole "the next Seattle" movement in the 90s, but they're from Kingston (though produced some records on Sloan's record label, which may explain the sound..) Anyway, it was a good musical re-discovery.

I've been on a fashion kick lately? Not in the like... I want to go shopping all the time but more in a fashion interest sense. I have a stack (well, 3) of fashion magazines that I have absolutely no time to read, but I desperately want to. My plan for Christmas vaca is to just read fashion magazines, drink a whole lot and work to make the money. I found all these blogs dedicated to all things fashion, and one is by a design student from Parsons in NYC.

It makes me remember that its been a long time since I've done anything mildly artistic. I have
1/2 a roll of black and white film left on my camera that I need to finish off and get developed. I also used to take pictures of everything I did. But now I leave my camera home. I didn't take a single picture when I went away to MTL and TO this summer, and now all I have is a bunch of hazey memories. There were definately some photo-worthy scenes that I was involved with during that trip, yet no pictures. A lot of my friends don't like having their picture taken, which I can respect. I don't want to be the obnoxious-camera-always-in-your-face friend by any means, but it would still be nice to have somewhat of a visual record of this year and the people I encounter.

Well.. off to read... and then to work

Fill up your mind with all it can know...

2006-10-31T23:27:00.000-04:00

... don't forget that your body will let it all go

Ahh Wilco.. So good.

Hmm life is floating along. Nothing spectacular, but nothing dismal either. I feel like this is a common theme. I only tend to write here when I am frustrated or when I am mediocre. Never when I have great news or am exceptionally happy, but I also don't know when that might be?

That sounded way more emo than it was intended to. What I mean is, it's been awhile since I've received a magic phonecall, or really good news or something. I miss the highs I guess. But with the highs come the lows and thus status quo, though boring, is more stable.

Anyway...

I feel like what shakey plans I may have had for post April are far-fetched at best. I keep getting pulled in 2 directions. On one hand I feel like I can do whatever I want, but that also feels like youthful naivete. I feel like I should be able to go climb mountains (not actual mountains... but metaphoric ones) and I feel like I will finally be free of burdens to my parents and everybody else in a sense. It's funny how a stupid (though extraordinarily expensive) piece of paper can do that to you.

On the other hand, I feel like who gives a fuck. I'm just some punk ass kid like the thousands of other who will be graduating with an identical degree as me. I went away and didn't like the insecurity of being away from my familiar surroundings. As much as I hate the wind and the salt air and the hills here I actually have been enjoying myself more than I can fully articulate. So what if all I ever do is work in a restaurant for the rest of my life. Would that be horrible? Would I be a failure if I was happy? I was always under the impression that happiness was the ultimate goal of life; to find something that you truly love and carve out some kind of existence and surround yourself with people you love and who in turn love you back.

But is that also youthful naivete?

I guess the problem is, my plan has been attacked. I haven't even gotten the opportunity to execute it yet and it's been shattered. Its not fair and I'm not even fully aware of how to express the levels of emotion associated with it. Frustration and outrage are mixed with a deep sense of just wanting to give up. I hate being made to feel stupid and childish because I know that is what I am not. Yet I'm being faced with one of my first adult tests and all I can do is sit around and dwell on it and still take no action.

Surely I am not the first, last or only 21 year old about to be cut loose with no idea what to do. I just wish that somebody would tell me the answers.

I want money oh oh oh thats what I want

2006-10-07T10:31:00.000-03:00

So, Sunday shopping eh? Its about time is what I say. Way to catch up to the rest of the country Nova Scotia.
But what I would also like to point out, is that this Sunday, the very same Sunday that is the first for all grocery stores to be open, is the very first Sunday that I have off, and will continue to until May because we're now closed on Sundays for the season! HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES!!!
The irony of the whole thing is so freaking sweet.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I chose my job and the hours/ schedule that comes with it, but retail employees bitching and complaining about having to work on a sunday? Give me a break.. Labour laws still give you two days off a week, so its not that huge of a deal.

Aaanyway I'm done rubbing that in, but I will say that tomrrow is going to be a glorious day.

Juggling school and work (surprise surprise) is turning out to be somewhat more than I can handle. I'm still juggling it, but it's getting slightly out of control. I'm done exams exceptionally early this year for once, so I should be able to make it until then.

I picked up my passport application (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) it feels more tangible that next year is going to happen. I also might be going on a grad trip to someplace warm and all inclusive.
I'm actually starting to get excited for getting out of here, but I have also decided to stay for the summer at least and have one more summer in Halifax, because frankly, if its anything like this summer was, it will be a lot of freakin fun.

I need to shower and go to work.

sadness in the dull routine is perfect for the opening scene

2006-09-19T23:06:00.000-03:00

Well.. I'm not dead

Its just been awhile since I've had the luxury of in home internet... And frankly, I can't really say that I've been missing it too much.....

School has once again started, and as predicted, my already busy life has gotten three times busier than ever before.

At this point I'm going to stop, or otherwise this is quickly going to turn into one big long sob fest/pity party. An acquantance asked me last night why I always need to make my life more difficult than it needs to be. I didn't have an answer for him. And so I guess that's what I have to say about my life as of lately.

My apartment is amazing. I finally feel like I have a home rather than a space to put my shit. Although I have noticed that it seems kind of lonely. Even the presence of another person one room over is somehow more comforting than knowing that its just you. Fortunately (or unfortunately...) due to my previous rant about a busy life, I'm not here much; it's mostly a place to sleep and shower. I still have boxes to unpack. I want to decorate and personalize this place a bit more.

I've been really into black and white photography lately. I got a roll of black and white film for Christmas and never really got around to fooling around with it until now. I want to take a roll of various pictures, focusing mainly on city scapes and stuff that I see in my daily travels. There is a crosswalk sign man with angel wings drawn on him near the Barrington St Superstore that I want to go take a picture of before it gets replaced. I've also been thinking a lot more about taking some classes at NASCAD. Maybe in the winter when things finally slow down. They offered a clothing alteration class last year that I would love to take this year.

There's so much that I would like to do, but so little that I actually have time to do.

time time time

Time has truly been the focus of my last 3 weeks. I think thats what I like so much about the summer. Time doesn't really matter. Just be at work at the appropriate time and let the rest take care of itself.

I've also been sick for the last 2 weeks. So coupled with my intense lonliness, is an intense desire to stay in and sook and be alone and miserable.

There's some other stuff that I'd really like to discuss... but this often isn't the appropriate forum to say whats on my mind, which I guess is unfortunate because thats what it's meant to be for.

Blah... suffice to say I'm pretty discontented with life in general right about now and I severely need a shake up... So this is my symbolic opening of a can of worms.... bring it on.

When the walls came down all the way to hell

2006-08-29T14:10:00.000-03:00

I feel like I'm in the middle of some kind of crazy storm. I have no much to do and so little time to accomplish it, yet I am strangely calm. The eye of the hurricane if you will.

I move on Thursday. I fucking hate eastlink and all other communications providers. I would like to just say fuck it all and send out smoke signals rather than deal with all of this. But i am addicted to the internet and my phone is my link to the outside world.

Kat comes on Saturday night. I try not to think about it because it makes me too excited. I've had a lot of conversations about Ottawa recently. Makes me miss the place.

I don't think I'm going to go to europe for my year off anymore. I want to do a transcontinental roadtrip. Drive across Canada and then down the Pacific Coast and then back across the US and up the Eastern Seaboard. Who's in? I need a car.

(FYI, I've never read On the Road, and I am not sure if I want to before I go or not... I want to have my own experience, not try to duplicate another person's.)

I am exhausted and hungry but dreading the start of school and welcoming it all at the same time. I feel like I am preparing for battle. This is year is going to be a fight. I need to work to survive, but need to go to school to get a better job so I don't have to waitress forever. I need money, but I need steller high marks this year in order to get into grad school in a few years. If you would like to support me and/or go to my classes for me please leave a comment. I'm sure we could come to some sort or arrangement.

I have a huge summer of '06 recap rolling around in my head. It's been a good fucking summer.

But that will have to be for another time....

I'm going from strange to stranger every year

2006-08-14T12:51:00.000-03:00

Huh. So it's mid- August already.
This is the time of summer when my spelling and grammer reaches its pinacle of poorness because I have been working for 4 months and the only thing I have to worry about spelling is "pint of keiths" or "seared scallops" when I make notes to myself on what tables are ordering.

I've been becoming very bitter lately. I'm reaching a point. I'm unhappy, but I don't know where I see myself that would be a happier spot. You dig? Like, I feel as though it's a big case of same shit different locations. So you might as well just stick with the devil (aka the shit) that you know. The comfortable shitty situation versus the uncomfortable and new one.

I want school to start. I want a change. I'm not ready to go to school full time and work full time again though. I'm tired. I'm real friggen tired as a matter of fact. I wrote my last exam on Wednesday in April and by Friday I was working full time again. Sure I had a week to go to MTL and TO which was a welcome break, but lets be serious, I just drank and walked around and drank and didn't do much resting.

I want to get this show on the road. I want to be ha;f way done my last year of university, but the thought of that time terrifies me. For 17 years I've had someone on my scholastic ass telling me that I have to go to school. I have to graduate and do well. But now it's all me. 8 months from now any further schooling will be my responsibility. I will have to pay for it, decide what it is I want to do. Where I want to go. When I want to even go.

I feel like I'm tied to a giant elastic rope, and it's anchored to like responibilities or something... and I've been sprinting in the opposite direction of all that and pretty soon I'm going to hit the resistence point and I am going to fly all around in a chaotic manor.

That was a lot more dramatic sounding that necessary...

But still... The water wings and training wheels are falling off... it's either swim, or peddle or whatever or sink/crash.

I want to take a year off and travel. I need to see something other than this and to experience something other than my safe student lifestyle. I need to get lost in a big city and be okay with that. I need to miss a train and know that another one will come eventually. I just need to learn some lessons outside of the classroom. The trouble with being responible and a bit of an old soul is that it leaves little room for immature fuck ups and experiences and lessons. I need to give that to myself.

Not saying that I want to go and run around and be dangerous and unsafe and risk life and limb for some stupid adventure. But I want to take some risks. Live a little.

It's cold. It feels like October. I secretly like the change in the air. That perceptable difference between summer's stifiling heat and the cool crispness of fall. I love walking in it. I like the feel of the cool air in my lungs and on my cheeks. By this time of the summer I am craving curling up in a big sweater and being cozy and warm. One of my favourite high school memories involves a picnic on a beach in late september and the feeling of the cool air from the ocean but the warmth from the sun. And wearing a big sweater and just running around on the rocks and acting like a complete and utter tool but just loving it. Frolicing basically.

Well, I guess thats enough nostalga and pouring everything out for awhile. To the grocery store.. and bank... I lead an exciting life.

I am trying to break your heart

2006-07-14T14:05:00.000-03:00

This post is essentially dedicated to the awesomeness that was Wednesday's Wilco concert.
Its also dedicated a bit to the events of my life in the last couple of weeks.

But first things first.

Wilco blew my fucking mind.

Best concert I've ever been to hands down. (Sorry Joel Plaskett and Cuff the Duke in January '05, you've been usurped)

I dunno man, it was just amazing. They played A Shot in the Arm and I thought I could die happy after hearing that song live. Basically the whole freaking concert was just one amazing moment after another. They did 2 encores, including a wicked rendition of Spiders(kidsmoke) that was like the finale. I don't think I can remember the last time I rocked out that hard. I was exhausted by the end of the concert.

They opened the concert with I am Trying to Break Your Heart, and well... they did.

OOOkay and now I will stop being a gushing crazed fan...

Suffice to say that it was the (halifax) highlite of my very eventful summer thus far.

I am moving out in September, there's a bunch of reasons that I don't feel like going into, not in this type of venue anyway. I am 99% sure I have a place all lined up, I just need to check it out and make sure it's livable. It has a balcony, and it's mine. It really couldn't be any better. It's a bachelor, but I figure it can't be any smaller than my place in Ottawa, and there was no balcony there... essentially, I'm really excited for the balcony and the rest is just gravy.
Stay posted for the housewarming party announcement in early September.

The last couple of mornings this dude who lives 2 houses down from my bedroom window has been having his yard re-done, and this morning a jackhammer woke me up at 8am, followed by dump trucks and backhoes around 9am. Ok. so. 1.) YOU LIVE IN THE CITY. YOUR YARD IS THE SIZE OF MY BEDROOM. 2.) hire some people who don't insist on standing around and yelling "WE'RE IN THE JUNGLE!" NO. You're not. You're in Halifax actually. In a Nice. QUIET. Neighbourhood.

Basically, it could have been a choir of children singing hymns, but at 8am when you wake me up, you're the epitomy of evil as far as I am concerned.

I ran out of remember what I as going to write this about.

Raspberry gingerale is amazing.

That is all.....

O Canada, O Halifax

2006-07-02T13:58:00.000-03:00

Yesterday was Canada day, which means the busiest day possibly all summer for people who work at a waterfront establishment such as myself. I worked a double yesterday, which under normal circumstances can be tiring enough, but couple that with the day that it happened to be and it led to utter exhaustion by 4pm. I was lucky enough to get a 20min break to eat a salad and chill out. I decided that it would be beneficial for me to leave the building to get my shit together, and so I headed to the boardwalk along the waterfront (a 1min walk essentially from the restaurant) I sat down on the wooden wall and noticed a man packing up his guitar next to me. I smiled, he smiled back and then proceeded to ask if I worked at the Warehouse, to which I replied yes. He asked me about my day and I told him that it had been pretty hectic. Then, he said "can I atleast play you a tune before I go?", to which I replied, "yes!". And so this perfect stranger sat down next to me and played and sang me Old Man by Neil Young. When the song was finished, he gave me a big hug and told me to keep my head up, drink lots of water and have a good night. To which I replied, "thank you. I needed that."

There's a reason why I love this town...

Fuck Quebec

2006-06-28T22:26:00.000-03:00

Fuck Quebec and its lack of proper and clear roadway signage.
Fuck Quebec and its low speed limits.
Fuck Quebec and its ability to ooze sketchiness at every turn.
Fuck Quebec for taking all of my money at its many fine retail and beveradge establishments.

Fuck Quebec has been the running theme for the past week of my life. I guess I should give la belle provence another try, but frankly it has a long ways to go before I am willing to souviens it.

Before you go and accuse me of being unjustly hostile to Canada's largest province, allow me to explain.....

One long and lonely February night, a mere four months ago, 4 friends, over several beers, decided to embark upon a road journey that would lead them through 4 provinces in total and take them away from the tedium of daily life for a week. This was a very attractive prospect for the fierce foursome as it was the dead of winter in dreary Halifax. Two of this enchanted group needed to venture to just south of the centre of the universe (aka toronto) to attend the wedding of a sibling. The other two possessed drivers' licences and an adventurous spirit and thus it was decided that they would all venture away from the daily grind in Halifax and venture out to new and exciting parts of this fair country.

The days and weeks dragged on until finally the time was near to depart. Rich they were not, and so when an opportunity arose to acquire a cheaper auto, two of this brave band ventured forth into a cruel and hostile world (aka Truro) to retrieve said auto. After one long hour on a bus, and one very very questionable taxi drive later, they arrived to pick up their trusty white steed (aka a cream coloured Chrysler 300, check it out here) and at once departed once again for Halifax to rendez-vous with the rest of the duo squared. Their unabashed joy was soon stifled when they realized they would be delaybed by several hours due to a nasty car crash. Always resourceful, they turned their trusty steed around and travelled through the hostile country side and eventually reached the fair town of Halifax once again.

The duo squared then drove their trusty steed off and into the sunset, headed for what adventures may lie in waiting for them......

Facts.

One can make it to Edmunston in less than 6 hours
A Chrysler 300 has a cap on it that prevents it from going over 185km/hour.
Irving Mainways have the cleanest bathrooms
A Buffalo can jump nearly 7 feet in the air.

I digress....

Upon arriving in Montreal in around 11 hours, we took a wrong turn and ended up in refinery hell land. We drove in circles in a white gangster car with nova scotia plates listening to hip hop at 5am on a wednesday morning for an hour. We read the map wrong. All of the fucking streets in Montreal have the same name. Fuck Quebec.

Luckily, we made it to the hotel, crashed until aprox. 1pm. At which point the drinking commenced. And did not stop until Sunday night.
Thursday we shopped, and shopped some more and then we drank. We went to this place called Mad Hatters. They cleam to be the "best dive in town". I won't dispute that claim, though I did have a really great time.

Friday we drove to Toronto, got stuck in construction traffic for an hour and drove for what seemed like days to reach Toronto. We stayed in The Beaches area of Toronto (didn't know there were beaches there?! Me neither.) I did not want to leave. I wanted to find a job and live there and just be there and not here. I can't really explain it... it just felt right.. and comfortable. I still don't see why people hate Toronto. I've been 3 times and each time I think I like it even more..

Anyway, I drank a lot. Went to soem posh club in downtown Toronto, and watched every single world cup game that was on from Friday night until Sunday night. Including the Netherlands- Portugal match at a Dutch bar downtown. It was intense. Packed with people with standing room only all wearing Holland colours, all yelling and screaming as though we were actually in Germany at the stadium. It was a pretty incredible experience. Definately a highlite of the trip.

The drive home was beyond hellish. Every kilometre we drove was one closer to coming home, and work and all the other shit that I was really glad to get away from; and one kilometre further from the amazing week that had just occured. I didn't take a single picture the whole time I was away. Not one. Nothing.
Other hellishness included 2 speeding tickets, including one in quebec after we got lost in rivier-du-loup at 3am. Fuck Quebec.

Due to our abudance of infractions against the legal speed limit (we got another speeding ticket in Ontario) the drive home seemed to take a real long time. Mostly because we had to go the speed limit, which was a bit of a chore for our trusty steed.

All in all, a solid week. Lots of time to think about things, and very little stress. A lot of sunshine and good times. And beer. Lots and lots of beer.

Oh. And fuck quebec one more time for good measure.
eat a big dick la belle province.

I move so slow, a steady crushing hand

2006-06-04T14:40:00.000-03:00

It has been one hell of an interesting 7 days.

I might just leave it at that....

I worked too many days in a row without a day off, and without any sleep and had the strangest people this week, including dirty old men and people who wanted to tip me in coke rather than money, and an embarassing encounter with Uncle Jesse (aka John Stamos) among others...

And then there was everything that happened while I wasn't at work...

If this is any indication of my summer, then woah.

Toronto road trip in 17 days

I am so stoked... 2 nights in Montreal, 2 in Toronto... we leave on a Wednesday morning and get back on Monday.... The ultimate long weekend.

I have an extra Wilco ticket for anyone who is interested.... $39

I need to go get ready for the day

Overheard in Halifax

2006-05-29T10:05:00.000-03:00

Random Old Man: FUCK OFF HALIFAX!

- Overheard walking down Spring Garden Road on a beautiful, sunny, quiet Sunday morning.

So Much for the Afterglow

2006-05-18T18:42:00.001-03:00

Ok.
So, true to form, I am only now discussing something that everybody else already has talked about, and formed an opinion on.
I'm talking about online dating, and specifically, the website lavalife.

First of all, allow me to preface this so I do not crush any toes (or egos) in the process of this.

I acknowledge that online dating is perhaps the "wave of the future" and that I shouldn't knock it until I try it and I'm sure that there are hundreds, maybe even thousands of people out there who met on the internet and are totally happy. That also being said, the internet is a great way to break the ice with someone. You have plenty of lagtime to be on your most charming and intelligent game, and its purely based on the words on the screen and not your awkward body language or some kind of self consciousness about your physical appearance.

In short, I am not trying to be offensive.

I just need to get this out there because its been on my mind for the past little while.

I have a confession to make. I occasionally lurk in my spare time, and I know that I am not the only one. We all do it. Lurking includes everything from reading somebody's blog to looking at random people on myspace. It's all the entertainment and enjoyment of people watching without having to leave the comfort of your own home.
Anyway, last week I had a night off and I decided to stay home and just take it easy for once. Maybe go to bed early, eat some chips, settle into the new apartment a little better. In short, spend some quality time with myself. Of course this relaxing night in got real boring after I watched all of my Sex and the city episodes on hand, and as tempting as going to bed at 10:30 on a Saturday night was, I decided to turn to my old faithful source of entertainment: the internet.

After I got bored with all the requisite time fillers (looking at shoes on ebay, celebrity gossip sites etc) I saw an ad for lavalife. Curiosity got the better of me and I created a half assed fake profile and signed up so I could see who i knew on there.

Turns out there were a few people I knew, but more that I didn't. There was on person in particular that I had kind of noticed around school, he was in one of my classes too. So I became confronted with a dilemma. In my process of lurking, I had lurked upon somebody that I was mildly interested in; what to do?

After much deliberation and discussion, I (characteristically) decided to do nothing, and upon further consideration, stick my my decision.

But the whole thing really made me think

It takes some balls to put yourself out there for the bored and genuinely interested alike. But it also makes the whole process seem impersonal.

Who the fuck cares if you're charming on MSN or in an e-mail? You have the ability and opportunity to make yourself sound however you want to be. What is the point of dating a computer essentially? Don't we seek and start relationships because we want the company of another person?

What caught me off guard the most was the fact that there is a part of the lavalife website that is called "intimate encounters". Essentially, it's an online meatmarket. If you're just looking to have sex, and any kind of sex at that, you can go troll this part of the site. Why go to the bar? Why go out and socialize and meet people "the old fashioned way" when you can sit at home in your jammies and find your next fling?

If this is what it now takes to find somebody, I say fuck that. Get me some cats and a rocking chair right now because I'm not interested.....

Don't We Live the Life.....

2006-05-11T11:53:00.000-03:00

Or do we?

At the moment we don't.

Moving 10 blocks proved to be a larger hassle tham moving 2 provinces, but I am here now and I only have 4 more boxes of stuff to unpack. I'll post pictures eventually, once I have time to catch my breath. (expect it to be awhile)

True to form, my final marks came up just short of my incredibly high expectations. I never thought I'd see the day that I was crushed over getting a B+.

I am feeling pretty restless and unhappy lately to say the least.

I am working full time already, though there aren't really any people around. Work is my greatest source of unhappiness right now for reasons that are not really appropriate to get into here and now.
Suffice to say that I have reached the point of being broken down, and am now waiting to find the way to build myself back up again. I think this might be accomplished through the heavy consumption of beer, accompanied by listening to a lot of loud music, perhaps some dancing. At any rate, I hope to find drive to get through this summer at the bottom of a brown bottle.

And of course, just like every other tough time in my life, this time is accompanied by the news that my (well, technically my parents') 6 month old puppy has kidney failure and will probably be around for a matter of months rather than years. Bad times for Mel = the death of a pet. It's true. I can back it up with statistics and facts.

And so that was the sob story that has been my life for the past 2 weeks.

What is it about the month of May anyway? Last year this time was just as shitty as it is right now. It should be a good time, it's the beginning of summer vaca after all...

In other news that is less depressing...

Wilco is coming to Halifax this summer. I am pretty freakin excited for that. I missed the Wilco bandwagon by like 2 years, and only staretd listening to them when I was tired of hearing all about them without knowing what their music sounded like. They were quite possibly the best "new" band discovery I have made since I "discovered" Radiohead in grade 7.

Oh, and I am going on a roadtrip to Toronto and Montreal in June.

Oh. and Video Difference just called to tell me they want to send me free movie rentals in the mail and they needed my new mailing address.

And tomorrow is my day off.

Oh yeah, yesterday I had to verbalize that I was actually going into my fourth year of university. I thought I was going to have a panic attack right then and there. That is all.

Welcome to the tragic kingdom

2006-04-25T15:14:00.000-03:00

Apparently the United States now controls daylight as well.

Sanford Felmming must be real pissed in his grave.

I keep hearing your concern about my happiness...

2006-04-23T23:34:00.001-03:00

I just read this article, that I found from this blog and it struck a chord for some reason. I don't think I even realized that blogging was a possible outlet for bigger and better things. Sure, I mean I knew that famous and influential people kept blogs, and I know that I personally read a few (though, admittedly, their gossip blogs, but that's on the DL. I have a reputation to keep...) but seriously? Blogging as a way to get your break? It seems so... I don't know.... Some random person internet lurking your personal thoughts as a way to find new talent and make money. I guess its a neat concept.

I have a site counter, that shows me the locations of the people who visit here, and based on those locations I can make educated guesses about who is looking at this and reading it, but I'm never really sure. Sometimes I get hits from far away, some times they're me checking the site several times a day. But that's also when I know its time to go do something else because its turning into an obsession.

I honestly don't know that I would have the dedication it takes to make blogging something that would eventually lead into a career. I frankly don't have all that much to say sometimes, or atleast enough relevant stuff that I think anybody else would possibly want to read or that I would possibly feel like sitting down and typing out.

I more than flirted with the journalism thing. I was in a three year relationship with it. A couple of times when I wrote my column for the local newspaper, I would get comments from people out in public about how much they enjoyed reading my writing. I will admit it was a total thrill. When I wrote my first one, family friends clipped it out and sent it to me in the mail with a note attached with words of encouragement. It was no Globe and Mail with millions of readers, but it was something. There is a definite rush having other people read your words, whether its in a small community newspaper, or through sometimes incoherent ramblings on the internet in the form of a bloc post.

Don't get me wrong. This is not to say that I suddenly want to be a journalist again. We were incompatible, we had to break up. But at the same time, I will not deny how much I actually like to write. That being said, I don't do it nearly enough. I use the excuse of time, when in reality, being a double major in English and history leaves little time or desire to write for fun. Or I guess so idlest. Even paper writing can be fun sometimes.... Well.. Seldom.. and only kinda when it happens.

Sometimes I will write something, pass it in, and then re-read it when I get it back and think to myself, "I actually wrote that? Wow.... That's kinda... smart..." and then other times I'm like, "I actually passed that in?? oooh...."

When I write really intensely, I don't think about it. It just flows out. Perhaps that's what some people would call a gift, to me that's how its always been. (and for the record, I don't think I'm a gifted writer) I never have to work very hard to get the words on to the page. Sure I get stuck sometimes, but its more like a mud hole than quicksand. But I also fond it enjoyable. There is an immense sense of satisfaction in seeing the word count increase and the pages fill. I guess that's the part I enjoy most of all about writing.

Writing for me has always just kind of been there, its what I have done, what I do, and what I will probably continue to do in the future. I've always joked that I was going to write a novel, or a book of some sort, and I guess I really do. But for now I am pretty content to sporadically post random shit like this for all the internet world to see.

* ps, ironically, my blog spell check, doesn't recognize the word "blog"

I'm the one who wants to be with you, deep inside i hope you feel it too

2006-04-09T21:18:00.000-03:00

This weekend was a total mixed bag

It was a lot of fun, and it was also completely sober. This is pretty big in itself, as the last time I have a sober weekend is well... I don't remember. (har har)

This weekend I also completed another of what I like to call my "Hali Goals". Hali Goals being random things I want to do/experience in and around Halifax before I move away again. Thus far, I had only taken a ride to the Darkside on the Ferry. But then today (last night? I dunno) I went to the Ardmore for breakfast before I even saw my bed for the night. And in doing so, I brought my Hali Goal tally up to two. Other goals include: going to a show at the Marquee, Eating fries from Bud thr Spud and people watching for an afternoon on the wall in front of the library, power hour at the split crow (which will hopefully be accomplished on my birthday), sledding (or rolling) down Citadel Hill, farmers market at the Brewery, appearing in The Coast (i'm not going to get too choosey for this one, I'd settle for being fuzzy in a background picture...) and some other stuff that I'm sure will eventually come to me, but I can't think of right now.

And as mentioned, next Saturday is my birthday... get in touch with me if you want the details.. I think the Split Crow and also an all you can drink Brewery tour are just a few of the fun filled activities.

On the subject of birthdays, I do believe that a certain Kat Sanders is having one tomorrow, so a big happy birthday shout-out to her. Expect a phone call, but not a lobster.

Today has been a giant waste of time... I managed to do absolutely nothing and somehow find it to be almost 10pm. I have an exam tomorrow, but I am not very concerned about it. I suppose I should be. I usually do really well in the class the bomb the exam because I don't care. I think I do beter when I go into an exam knowing I have ground to make up, not lose. Where's the motivation in studying hard when you're sitting with an A+? Brag Brag Brag.... not intentionally though.

I should go see about my laundry....

You put my head in the clouds

2006-03-31T10:43:00.000-04:00

It's Juno Weekend!!!!

Yaaaay...

only... kind of not too.
Open until 5am on Saturday night, start work at 4pm.... 3 finals and 2 papers due next week...
Sleep is overrated anyway.

Been a rough couple of weeks areound here lately. Yesterday was a rough day especially. I went to school, but skipped my first class to do work, so I was sitting in the arts building reading, and eating a muffin. I somehow bit my own tongue so hard that it went numb and started to bleed, which of course caused me to cry. But the problem was that once I started to cry, I couldn't stop. So I was sitting at a desk crying, with muffin crumbs everywhere and I realized that the best course of action for me would be to just go home for the rest of the day. So I did. And then I wasted the majority of the day doing nothing productive but just staring at the computer screen.

So once I got myself together a bit more, I decided that I would indeed go to the free concert downtown and stop feeling so damn sorry for myself.

The opening acts were kind of not our thing, so we went for drinks and food. At which point we went for more drinks, and 7:30pm rolls around and we're doing shots. Needless to say, we were pretty loaded and realized that we were about to miss Joel Plaskett. So we took off down the street and made it a couple of songs into his set. So naturally, because it's an outdoor concert and we're all there to have fun supposedly, we start to work our way itno the crowd and up front. We get about mid-way ni the crowd and stop because it's a decent spot. So we're having fun, dancing, singing along, yelling etc. All the typical things of an outdoor concert. Except! The highschool kids that were standing behind us were all like "oh my god, and you please be quiet" "please stop dancing." "please stop having fun." All the while standing there completely still with bored looks on their faces. To which we all replied, lighten up, its an outdoor concert we're here to have fun, wtf?!

Perhaps propelled by the bitter vibes of these clearly underage kids, we decided to push on closer to the front. At which point things got a little intense. We met these cool people who were equally surpised at our tale of the bitter underage kids and invited us to dance with them. Which we did. And then somehow we managed to work our way to 2 rows from the front of the stage for Matt Mays, which is beyond intense... At one point none of us were standing. There was no room for our feet on the ground. So we stayed for a couple of songs and then decided to get the hell out. So as we are pushing our way through the crowd to get out, some idiot pinched me?! I dunno, weird.. weird vibe in the crowd

I mean, what's the point of going to a concert if you're not going to enjoy yourself?? You might as well stay home and listen to the CD's or something...

Anyway... that was the adventure of the free concert of ought 06.

I have to be at work in 4 hours. I thought my shift for tonight was cancelled. Now it is not. This is the point where i start to freak out again.

less than a week......

Last stop for a resolution

2006-03-20T21:17:00.000-04:00

Oook so

Sorry for the gayness (and sorry for using the term "gayness") that have been some of these entires as of late... Lets just write it off as excessive stress and extreme happiness over the fact that it is soon summer. Enough said.

So, BIG NEWS!!!!!!!

I won my very first roll up the rim tonight!!!!!!!!! I was in class, and I didn't know how to react. Mind you, it was only a donut. There by blowing my theory, that the fact that I have never won a single thing, and therefore I must be destined to win some cash or the car, has been totally blown. But I am still holding out hope and will continue to drink a raspberry tea almost daily until the end of the contest, because you just never know.

The other cool news, is that after months of searching, and days of viewings, we have found a new apartment! Its super huge, and gorgeous... and we can have pets. I'm now officially accepting suggestions for cat names. I would like to go all emo and name it Virtute, which is latin for vitrue, aka after the title cat in The Weakerthan's song, "Plea from a cat name Virtute" but that would be super emo of me and I'm not sure I can stand having to call out "virtue" all the time..... Unless i can think of a catchy way to shorten that name, I don't think its going to fly.

Anyway, the place is nice, and in a good part of the North End... I have pictures, but I'm not going to post them because its of somebody else's apartmet at present and that would be kind of creepy. Stay tuned for the giant housewarming party to follow soemtime in May.

Hmm what else....

Oh yeah

Had a super weird St. Patty's Day that involved (among other things), A ferry ride to Dartmouth, a hardcore Punk or, "crazy wave" show, complete with fake blood to simulate "crazy wage stigmata" being chased down the street by a bum weilding a shopping cart, lots of beer, nearly getting into several fights in the line-up at the Apple Barrel and in general just a very, very random time. Some portions of the night were just downright upsetting... at any rate I always seem to have very fucked up St. Patty's days. Lets not even get into last year, and the year before I had to sit at home in residence due to my drunken loss of my fake ID and a whole lot of homework.

Also, i took out my nose ring. There are several reasons why, but the main one involves the on-going quarter life crisis I've been going through since I turned 20 and now that I am on the cusp of turning 21, I feel that it perhaps time to grow up a little bit. As well, there are some other reasons that I would rather not articulate because I would realize how comletely rediculous they are. Anyway... yeah I have lots of pictures... so when my kids call me a square I can be like, "Oh yeah? have a look at this bitches...." Or something....

Anyway... thats the update in my life for the moment.....

Oh. and I got an A on a paper tonight that I wrote in approx 4 hours, thus reinforcing the fact that I am a paper writing machine.

End transmission.

When the light go down in the city and the sun shines on the bay (or the harbour...)

2006-03-06T21:24:00.000-04:00

Tonight was one of those really early spring nights. You know the kind I mean. It doesn't get dark until after 6 and the late evening sun is beating down and it blinds you.
The air has a certain smell. It's fresh, but not like fall when its crisp. It's like muddy air in Spring, like the promise of things to come like flowers and sandles. The sidewalk is full of puddles from dirty snow that has melted in the mild weather of the day, and it makes you want to stay outside and just keep walking forever.
Or atleast not be walking to school for a rediculous night class. Until your prof tells you there's only 3 classes left plus the exam.

WOAH!?

Like... I knew it was March and stuff... but like.... 3 classes? Snap!

unh... I had way more to say when I was thinking about this before.... I have to go read about the late 60s drug culture now.

When you get off work tonight, meet me at the construction site

2006-02-27T22:48:00.000-04:00

It has been awhile.

Realistically though, I'm never going to be one of those daily bloggers. I don't have that much to say, or rather, enough interesting material for daily, or really even weekly updates.

Reading week was ok, but more lazy, less study would have made it that much better. As far as I can tell, April 7th is going to be the best day ever. Classes are officially over, and my first exam isn't until April 19. I am not getting out of bed. I might even book the day off work just to be certain that I can accomplish this day of complete slothness. Also, its only 5 weeks or so away. Which is pretty effin sweet. I am completely ready for this year to be over and done with.

I had a total freak out last night about school, didn't get any sleep and felt sick because of being so stressed out. However, this morning, I woke up early, got some work done, drank some tea and had a mid-morning nap. When I awoke I found out that one of my essays was pushed back a week which means I now have oodles of time to write my 14 page paper. Relief? Just a bit.

And now to gloat: I have gotten 2 seperate shout-outs/ recognitions in 2 different classes in the last 2 or 3 weeks. Never happened before, and it feels kinda cool to be singled out and recognized like that. I feel like all this shit I am doing and working on is actually counting for something other than a mark on my transcript, however insignificant it may be. But uh, if anybody asks, its on the DL.. don't want to ruin my street cred by having people think I am some kind of keener......... right.

This weekend past was a bit of a bender even by my standards. Ended up at the Palace on Thursday night (after vowing to never return.) pretty random night but I actually had a good time. As a result, working Friday morning was absolute balls. But I did get a nifty new PC bank account and soon I will write a nasty, strong worded letter to Scotiabank telling them what I think about their rediculous bank. (which is a totally seperate rant) I digress.

Friday night I went back into work, feeling more than just a little hung. So what do I do when I get let off early? Why get drunk again of course! We went to Tom's Little Havana for some wine, its actually a really nice place if you don't mind the smoking. Then, we decided that it would be a good idea to go to the Attic to see some Iron Maiden tribute band.. Upon arrival, Kate and I decided that a venture down to the DO ME was in order, and so we trekked downstairs, met these random Irish (from Ireland... they made us look at their passports) dudes.

I'm sure you all know how chachies and ho's dance at dance bars, so with that in mind, picture our surprise when we look over and spot these 2 fellows standing completely still making gardening motions in the air. Obviously, we go over and ask them what they are doing. To which they reply, "trimming the shurbbery" to which we reply, "oh. Ok then. Cya later." and then we book it back upstairs... Very odd indeed.

So imagine our surprise when we run into them again after the bar is closed at pizza corner.

Now further imagine my surprise when I came face to face with them when they walked into work on Saturday night while I hazily struggled to remember why I recognized them. Yeah. Weird. and Awkward. But quite hilarious I guess.

Anyway, Saturday night was a long night, lots of sketchy characters for the online daters, though nobody felt it necessary to tell me the exact location of all their piercings and tattoos.

Sunday I felt like I had been hit by a car because i was so physically tired.. I layed on my bed all day and read/ did work. Not exciting, but necessary.

And so, now as a result of all the boozing/ general debauchery of late I have decided to go on a week long system detox... Drinking lots of water, not drinking.. giving myself a break. I don't remember the last weekend that I stayed sober for all 3( or 4 depending on how you look at it) nights.

I wrote this last part first, and didn't expect to write this much... so anyway, completely out of any kinf of context:

I really want a cat. I miss mine at home and I want something cuddly to..cuddle... Gillda is cool and stuff, but frankly, I refuse to touch anything that derives its greatest pleasure from a few flakes of dried meal worms. Thats just sick.

Ok... I know you're all like, "Mel, shut the hell up"

So I will.

The tide is high but I'm holding on

2006-02-09T23:17:00.000-04:00

An sssorted collection of thoughts and events in my life as of the past.... whenever:

- Went to Ottawa. Pretty suddenly too. It was a good time. I needed an escape from life here, however, predictabily, it wasn't the cure-all that I was hoping for.

- I am looking into schools in London. England. As well as NYU. I can dream. (As well as U of T and other assorted Ontario places.... I can still dream.... I have been getting C's lately.)

- Do you ever get sick of hearing the same story over and over again? It bothers me sometimes, but then sometimes I think it can be comforting. But I also like the excitement of getting to tell a great story for the first time, to somebody who has never heard it before and who will appreciate it and laugh in all the right places. That is also comforting.

- Sometimes I feel censored in this space. I don't always feel like I can express what I want to. I am afraid of stepping on toes.

- I fell down my entry-way stairs while sober, and carrying nothing in my hands. My foot hurts a lot today. It happened on Monday.

- Lately, I have been very bored. I need an outlet. Today I was exhausted, but then I had a full day and I felt great. I think I am so tired always because I am just so inactive. This is a lazy feeling tired vs the genuine exhaustion I felt before when I was working 4o hour weeks and going to school 5 days a week.

- I often feel that I am a bad friend, and pretty self-centered. It is all about me...

- I bought new sun glasses while in Ottawa. I want to start wearing my contacts so I can wear my new sun glasses.

- I am addicted to Sudoku.

-I got a date with a night.

I lied about that date with a night part, it was the song that came on. It was fitting.

Ha. How fitting.

2006-01-31T19:39:00.000-04:00

So as I sit here procrastonating for the 3rd night in a row on a really simple assignment, I was going through my bookmarks, and I came upon the "Urban Dictionary". I decided to click on "random" and this is the entry I got:

fildoos

FILDOOS stands for: Fuck It Let's Drop Out Of School.
People who are tired of school and wants to drop out...
Usually people who major in biology, and know they can't just change major, because then they have to stay at the school even longer... so they constantly want to drop out of school but can't.

We can't go drinking tonight, we have to study for the midterm monday,... FILDOOS!

Fildoos, i don;t want to study!

And I said, FILDOOS.
The End.

Overheard in Halifax...

2006-01-23T15:53:00.000-04:00

While in line, at the polling station, I overheard the following oh so enlightening conversation.... :

T-dot Girl #1 : Um, so like what are we even voting for? Like, why do we even have to be here? I feel we should just be allowed to vote on campus.

T-dot Girl #2: Yeah I know. Um, like I'm pretty sure we're voting for who we want the premier to be today.

T-dot Girl #1: Really? Like the premier? Like, I don't even know who i should vote for... Wait, are you sure we'er voting for the premier?

T-dot Girl #2: Yeah, totally sure. Like, we vote for MP's and MPP's [note, wtf is an MPP?!] and I think we're voting for both of those today, but like whoever wins will be the premier.

T-dot Girl #1: I'm so confused. I totally took a class on this last semester and I am still so lost....

GAH! Like.... GAH. Where do these people COME from?!!?!?!?!?

Observation

2006-01-19T19:40:00.000-04:00

Dressing up like I am going to a dance party 3 nights a week would be a lot more fun if I actually got to GO to said dance party.

instead of just hanging up the coats there......

You breath but the air seems too thin...

2006-01-16T21:34:00.000-04:00

Interesting weekend.

Club was busy all 3 nights, which meant that I worked all three nights. In addition to being told off numerous times, I also learned various other interesting things such as the location of all 5 piercings of a creepy mid-30's man with tattoos and a shaved head (note: atleast two were in special areas, though I'll allow you tyo use your own imaginations as to where those areas are.......) and that 21 year old assholes grow up to be 30 something jerks and as a result, sometimes being obnoxious is just who you are. I also learned that some men will do anything to gain the attention of a girl atleast 10 years younger than them. Anyway, encountered some sketch bags as well as some nice people this weekend... still not a fan of this whole club thing... Working in a bar is highly overrated and romanticized in general. I will be glad when it is summer again and I can just make an ass of myself with regular customers in the restaurant and not have to worry about having dozens of pissant kids yell at me because they were too drunk and stupid to hold on to their coat tickets.

I have also been feeling really restless lately. I don't particularly want to be here but I don't know where else I want to be either. I'm ready for a change again, even though I've only been here for less than a year...

In other news, I have developed an expensive addiction involving very nice and expensive shoes that are very cheap(er) on ebay.. The way I see it, is that it's like an investment.... Because they'll last a long time, and they're pretty... and when you can buy $560 Pucci shoes for less than $100, you have to. It's like a moral obligation. Anyway... I figure I don't spend all my money on booze anymore, so I might as well spend it on shoes. Plus I see it as a reward for all those long nights spent having pissant drunk kids yell at me. 5 years from now, when I am poor I will wear my shoes and be happy.

Maybe I'll go to bed early tonight.

I hear its your birthday....

2006-01-11T21:35:00.000-04:00

Happy 1 Year Birthday to my blog!

Notice anything, DIFFERENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAD props to k-dawg for making this happen.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They all drive killer cars

2006-01-09T16:26:00.000-04:00

Sooo....

Here I sit again.
Hungover.
Tired.
Without my voice.
but quite content nonetheless.

This weekend was my staff party. Bunny hunting, hall-way beer can bowling, 4am pingpong, obscene amounts of alcohol, polar-bear dips etc etc etc

It was a good time

It was a really good time..

I also attended the first wedding of my friends. That was kind of a trip. It didn't occur to me at first, but now that I think about it, its pretty crazy. I enjoyed it. It was nice and simple. Not flashy, very low key.

New Years eve was a fucking night and a half. It was aweful actually. Literally as they are counting down to midnight, this is the scene:

Me, in my coatcheck room, after having already been working for 7 hours, tired and bitter because its NYE and I'm working. "Sorry guys, coat check is full" "What do you fucking mean?! I'M CRAZY. I AM GOING TO YELL VERY LOUDLY AT YOU." Me," you're all a bunch of fuckers"
And then some crazy bitch sticks her scrawny little coked out arm into my tip jar and attempts to steal my money. This is the point that I absolutely lose it. I start yelling, security comes and they're yelling, and she's yelling, and I'm yelling and her friends are yelling and the whole bar is yelling, because guess what?! HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEARS.

ugh.

I hate drunks.
Anyway.... got home after 5am, after starting work at 5pm.... all I wanted to do was pass out for the day and sleep until Monday. But that didn't happen. There was no rest to be had for Mel..

Anyway, to make a longe story shorter, the first week of 2006 can be characterized by a sick amount of sleepless nights coupled with an above average amount of alcohol consumption.

I suppose I did want to start having more fun. And you sure as shit don't have fun by being in bed by 10pm and sleeping all night long.

Folks, be careful what you wish for.

In other news, I won $2 on a bingo ticket.
I'll try not to spend it all in one place.

In closing, I have a 3 hour class to attend this evening. I feel like absolut balls, but I have to go. Did I mention I lost my voice too?

Yeah I did this to myself....

Merry Merry

2005-12-26T14:06:00.000-04:00

Booze, food, karaoke, fireworks, "sleigh" rides, and a near death experience....... Yep, sounds like a typical Christmas to me..

An Ok Christmas this year I do suppose.
I am looking forward to getting back to Halifax and just... being busy again. All this sleeping and sitting around doesn't really agree with me. I went to bed at 10:30 last night because there was nothing to do.... Oh yeah, and I was hung over and hell from the night before....

No real surprises under the tree this year.. digital camera was the big one. Now I can take lots and lots of pictures... some art supplies, some music, some monitary bling, lime green towels... Nothing too crazy... Oh yeah, and a fish named Gillda.

Hmm... New Years plans are non-existant as I have to work coatcheck at the Warehouse. but don't anybody tell your friends because if its dead and stupid I get to leave early and hopefully find somebody sober and coherent enough to answer their cell phone and alert me as to their whereabouts. And then I get to celebrate too!!!!
I'm not that hyped for new Years this year, mostly because i resigned myself to the fact that I would have to be working like 3 months ago and so I just kind of let the disapointment happen little by little.

And now I think I will do one of those obnoxious livejoural year in review things....

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
I went to the Palace.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My new years resolution was to eat more bacon. Which I did, for like a month. But then I realized that I really only liked the smell of bacon, and so I stopped eating it again, as well as all other meat products except for those that swim in the ocean. As for making some for this year? I think I need to have fun, take things less seriously and remember how to just chill the fuck out again.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Well no, not that I know of atleast.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nay

5. What countries did you visit?
Just good Ol' Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
A serious relationship

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 30, because it was the saddest day ever because I left Ottawa to move back to Nova Scotia.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Doing as well in school as I did last year while working 30-40 hours a week

9. What was your biggest failure?
Finding successful employment (but it eventually all worked out)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing that couldn't be directly blamed on too much alkiehol

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A plane ticket to Ottawa

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Ohh.... Good question? Nobody jumps to mind, but I guess in general anybody and everybody who took a risk and went for it. I admire that kind of behaviour.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
A few people. One knows who they are I'm pretty sure, the other does deep down I think, but perhaps refuses to admit that they're done wrong. I'll let you sort that out for yourselves... If you feel you have a guilty conscious then look into it. But seriously, no worries.

14. Where did most of your money go?
My Hair. And Booze I suppose, atleast from January-April

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to TO, Going to Ottawa, Joel Plaskett concert(s)

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Love This Town- Joel Plaskett

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder? . ii. thinner or fatter? .iii. richer or poorer?
indifferent, thinner and richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Kept the level of fun at a steadier rate rather than spuraddic bursts

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying and second guessing myself.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Well, I spent it at home, and in Halifax, working... The usual... It was better than last year though

The person I stole this from deleted #21 I guess and I can't be assed to renumber the rest.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
No

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite TV program?
The OC

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, The list is holding steady

26. What was the best book you read?
For school- Shoeless Joe by W.P. Kinsella, for personal- I don't remember the last book I read for fun... Eeep..

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Doves

28. What did you want and get?
A cool job

29. What did you want and not get?
The best of both worlds

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Sin City was pretty good, But I'd have to say Ice Princess took the prize......... jokes.... I really don't know

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
20 and On my actualy birthday I ate ice-cream and fries for lunch, went shopping with some of my favourite people, pizza and beer for dinner and then capped it off with seeing a truly lame movie, followed but an awesome surprise birthday party the next night with a whole bunch of cool folks. Pretty much the best birthday ever.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Again, having the best of both worlds, or atleast somebody else to make my decisions for me

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Man I have no idea.. if you know help me out..One of a kind I guess.

34. What kept you sane?
Music, those around me

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Joel Plaskett

36. What political issue stirred you the most
The election in Canada

37. Who did you miss?
My friends and people from home when I was in Ottawa, and my friends and people in Ottawa when I am home.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Those crazy characters from work, Kev and Zach were pretty cool people to meet too

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
You can't have everything and its important sometimes to just take what you have and be happy

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Pretty much the entire song Waiting to be Discovered by Joel Plaskett.. It sums up how I feel about everything and my life especially.

Phew... time to go det drunk again...

Post Bar Conversations in Halifax, Part 1

2005-12-15T14:59:00.000-04:00

Random guy: "Hey, how are you doing? Where are you from??"
Ashlee: "Lunenburg..."
Random guy: "THEY BUILD BOATS THERE!!!!!!!
Ashlee: "Yep, they sure do..."
Random guy: "Ok, well I gotta take off, but you keep on building those boats, bro"

4am, Wednesday December 14 (actually Thursday the 15th...)- Outside of Cheers.

2005-12-11T23:26:00.000-04:00

Top 3 Simple Pleasures:

Sleeping in and now waking up to an alarm
Going for a drive (either as the passanger or the driver)
Good friends, good company and good conversation

Hmm

2 exams of 4 are written, 2 more to go this week. I have taken a slightly laid back approach to the whole exam thing this year (well... nothing new really) I dunno... I know I won't fail anything, it's really just a matter of reviewing and getting some specifics down... Frankly, I just want this semester behind me. 3 History, no Fridays, no class until 1:30 on Mondays for next semester seems hella tight right now.

Work is what it always is- rediculous. 5+ days a week, 40+ hours... the usual..

It snowed. A lot. And then it rained. A lot.

It's funny the difference between here and Ottawa. The city pretty much shut down for about 10cm of snow. It was impossible to get a cab, the busses were all messed up, power outages, the sidewalks and streets STILL aren't all clear. I took Ottawa for granted in that respect. Nobody blinks there when it snows...
I just can't wait for snow days really.... Snow days... in university.... beautiful

Except my dad won't be awake listening to the radio to tell me to go back to bed this time... as it was in grade school.

And now because I just ran out of steam.......
LOOK AT MY PUPPY!!!!!!!

I lost a friend here in this past year miss his guitar playing in my ear

2005-12-03T13:53:00.000-04:00

Thsi is the time of year when my motivation disappears. The time when in 2 days it will all be over with. The time when I am so mentally and physically exhausted that I can't even describe it.
2 papers and a revision of one more is all that stands between me and a day off.

This is pretty much the first year that I think I have actually earned an xmas break.

My parents are bringing my puppy in tomorrow for a visit!
Except, I had a dream last night that she was really ugly, and I couldn't understand why. She had like stubby legs and was super fat and just an ugly puppy in general.

On the subject of dreams, I had one the other night in which somebody (not sure who) told me to "drive fast to the movies". I have no idea.

There was a cross dresser at the function I worked last night. I'm not sure that I have actually ever seen a real-life cross dresser. Although, there's that "lady" in Ottawa who hangs out between downtown and like my old neighbourhood... she wears a lot of purple outfits? Like... head to toe in purple and she has bleached blonde hair that's always done up.... always has the little cart of stuff with her?? Yeah.. anyway... I was always skeptical of her...
But anyway, the point of the story, is that this was a total ful-out real cross dresser.

A band that I really have been liking lately is Fountains of Wayne. That "hey Julie" song they had ruined them for me because I really dislike that song, but their other stuff is pretty good. It's really mellow, I like "Valley Winter Song" for some reason..

Been thinking a lot about next year lately. It is starting to register with me that I only have 1 year left in school and then it's not all fun and games anymore. (was it ever really though?) And like.. I need to decided in less than a year whether or not I want to take a year off or go to grad school... Umm... I don't even really know what grad school is...
I mean... I know, but I am not aware of all that is potentially out there. I don't want to spend more time and money on something and then realize it's still useless, or worse I hate it.
I also am planning a trip.
I am supposed to go to Tennessee and various other parts of the states this summer for Bonaroo, but I feel skeptical about it for some reason. There are a lot of logistic problems...
Anyway, as a result, I have decided that if that doesn't happen, I am going on my own roadtrip. Not necessarily alone, but if nobody else wants to accompany me, then I will be in the exclusive company of me, myself and I.
I have the money saved for either trip and I have more than a strong urge to go. I know I can get the time off from work, so really there is nothing at all stopping me.
I will take my camera and lots of film and just.... drive... and see where I end up.. ultimately, I'd like to make it to BC, and maybe fly home? or maybe not...
The ultimate roadtrip would be to drive to BC and then go down the Pacific Coast of the states, and then across te states and back up the Eastern Seaboard and back to Nova Scotia.
If I won the lottery, that is the trip that I would take first I do believe.... and I'd do it in some kind of sexy convertable...

Bah... I offically have an hour and a half to make lunch, dry my hair and write 500 more words on a paper.

It's not going to happen.

Remeber summer?

2005-11-21T01:07:00.000-04:00

No?
Me neither.

School is seriously bringing me down, just like everybody else I guess...
All of a sudden it's almost December... all of a sudden I forgot to get stuff done ahead of time and now am faced with 2 weeks of late nights and zero fun.

All i talk about it school. I need to have fun. I need a distraction from school, yet I can't afford to take one right now.

Complain, complain complain....

Ruby is beautiful. I am faced with a strange feeling: the desire to go home.
I know once I get there I will be content for 4 hours before I start to go stir crazy...
Christmas is different though...Or I guess it will be... It seems to me like it was like confinement last year. Atleast now I can always come back to my own appartment if I need/want to.

Staff party Jan. 8th. A whole weekend, all expenses paid to White Point. Did I mention free booze? And food? And a pool? And White Point? I get to take a date...

Bah... I'm going on hiatus until I have something interesting/ something that isn't just complaints to talk about...

You won't let those robots defeat me

2005-11-15T18:23:00.000-04:00

So, I've had a really good last 2 days, and I just wanted to note that, since lately those good days have felt like they have been few in numbers.

Monday: I finally got my re-dyed, and on the way walking from the DAL library to Life spa on Spring Garden, I ran into a total of 7 people that I knew well enough to stop and have a chat with. It was crazy. I know like a total of like 10 people in Halifax (ok, maybe more.. but not much more) and then I see the majority of them in the span of 20min in the space of like, 1km. It was pretty cool. Then my 3 hour class got over early, plus it was actually somewhat interesting. I got a decent grade back on an assignment too. Then I finished my Middlemarch assignment in like 30min so I could take a break and watch TV for the rest of the night. Which I did. and it was beautiful. Oh yeah, and I got a drive to school.

Then Today was my long day at school, but it went really quickly. I had a bit of a freak out last night about not having enough time to get everything done this week that I need to, which resulted in me waking up in the middle of the night to freak out some more about school and all that good stuff. But then today, I get to class and my test that was supposed to be on Thursday is moved to next week. I had a snooze in the upstairs fireplace lounge on my break, and then I got an A on another assignment I got back....

Basically, just a solid 2 days filled with not much sucking. Hurrah!

Oh yeah, and tonight when I went to go do laundry, nobody else's stuff was there, AND I even had enough quarters in my change jar!!!!!!!!!
Except I burnt my supper...... but you can't win them all.

There's love in the air but I'm on the ground

2005-11-13T18:29:00.000-04:00

I hate Sunday night supper when I forget to buy groceries on Saturday. We need Sunday shopping.... who doesn't have Sunday shopping...
Ontario does, that's for sure... But they don't have garlic fingers... so really, I'll suck it up and eat my crappy soup.

Haven't been doing so stellar in school lately. Kind of discouraging since I started off pretty good. Nothing like a string of C's to deflate the ol' academic ego I'll tell you that much...
I read 60 pages about Daoism this afternoon and I have about 40 left to go. I like the idea that the road to enlightenment is to abandon the quest for knowledge and stop conforming and just believing in stuff in general.

I think I could deal with that. Except the whole having to go live in the woods and eat nuts and berries part.... I will stay in a city and eat my nuts and berries thank you very much.

Well my parents called in the middle of this and now I don't remember what exactly I was supposed to be accomplishing with this posting.... Back to my Eastern Religious Traditions textbook I guess....

I am melancholy lately. That is all.

Bloggity McGee

2005-11-07T16:26:00.000-04:00

Ahhh here I sit, watching the clock before class. My first class of the day, well that I will be attending at least. I even woke up in time this morning for my morning class but somehow lacked the go go to get there and what not. Instead I read. and read. and read and read and read some more today. As a result I am only behind in 4 classes instead of 5 now... Damn.

Work has abruptly stopped. I'm talking 40+ hour weeks down to maybe 1 shift a week. Ahhhh yet also, dang for the money aspect. However, I am so far behind in school work that I should not even be setting foot outside of this appartment unless it is to go to school. Or the library. Or some other educational type event. Or groceries... I suppose those are good too.

All this with the small exception of Thursday night when it is my duty to go and get absolutely shit faced with my roomate off of 99 cent shooters. The last time we went out to this... well lets just say it got messy. Really though, is there any other way for a 99 cent drink night to turn out than messy? I doubt it..

I am wearing my purple framed glasses today and it feels weird. It is like learning to see all over again whenever i have new glasses. I feel bad for neglecting them and just going with the old standby black frames, so I figured that I would diversify my eyeware. That and I need some colour since it is beyond laundry day and I need something a little brighter than my stand black or dark blue. Or green... let's face it. It's really all about the green apparel with me.......

damnit, I said apparel, and then I was all like... oooh American apparel... and so then I started looking at their website and forgot I was writing this..

anyway

this weekend was pretty cool. I took a trip to the ol' Wolfvegas to see E-dawg and his female counterpart. Despite the fact that the fricken bus broke down in Rawden (yeah I'm from here and I have no idea where the fuck that is) and I had to sit on the side of the road in a broken down bus for a little over an hour it was an okay adventure. Pretty tame time, drank some beer, played some crazy pictionaryesque game and just ate a lot of food. and slept in until noon... and ate a lot of food. Good times indeed

I now have my own personal Brad in figurine form care of E-dawg... uh that sounds creepy... I will post pictures soon... But it's definately Brad as an action figure. I am thinking about finding a Barbie for him so he can have a hot wife.

Kashizzll (aka K-Dawg, K to the athleen, or just KAT): Any word on a possible NS trip?

Anybody else: Wanna go somewhere for Spring break? i want to go to Ottawhat but DAL spring break is the same as Carleton spring break thus everybody will be going home, thus making it pointless for me to show up in Ottawa and be without a place to sleep.. FYI it's damn cold in February. Too cold for a park bench.
I am pretty much game for anywhere, warm or cold. Maybe even Wentworth to go skiing for a weekend? Marble Mountain?! I dunno.... My backyard...??? Possibly.

Ruby the wonder dog, aka rubber dog, aka my parents' new puppy is coming home on the 21st! She's pretty much the cutest darn black lab puppy in the world if I do say so. I will be scheming a way home shortly thereafter to maul and take a zillion pictures of her soon after I am sure. Even though its end of term and all that stupid stuff.... Puppy trumps papers any time.

And I have successfully occupied myself until class time....... Whose bright idea was it to have a 3 hour poli sci lecture on Monday nights anyway.... eff you DAL.

I know you read this.... I can tell.

2005-10-26T13:43:00.000-03:00

Been experiencing a serious lack of motivation lately. Or more so, I've been wondering more about what I will be doing 2 years from now.
I've been thinking more seriously about English than history lately. I am way better at it, the books are classes are more interesting, but it also seem so utterly useless. I reaslize that an arts degree on its own is useless, but a masters in english seems pretty useless as well. I really don't want to be a teacher. A prof maybe, but not a high school teacher or something. I sort of already persued the idea of being a writer with journalism. I find that I don't have the motivation to write anything besides what I have to do for school. Even that stuff is mostly uninspired crap written on a page to fulfill the requirements of the assignment.
I suppose I write here, but this isn't exactly oozing creativity and talent either.
I find lately there is no greater joy for me than going to bed early and sleeping in. To me that is my ultimate treat: getting to sleep in past 9am and being in bed by midnight. Let the good times roll.
I don't even want to go out through. I am content to come home and just do whatever it is that I do to pass the hours when I am not at school or work. This is such a far cry from my life last year. I don't think I can recall a sober weekend. I went out min. 1 night a week and drank and even if I didn't go out to drink I did *something*. I look at saturday night, which I have off, and get excited because I will have time to come home and read, and maybe work on an assignment or two. What the hell? I mean, that is seriously like negative amounts of fun... but what else is there to do?
It's like a rut... but a different type of rut. My ruts before have been about just.... lowness.. Feeling low in general. Now I am just sleepy, but not altogether unhappy. I am 20 going on 70. The idea of retiring is appealing. Bus tours and bland food don't sound all that bad. Naturalizer shoes are actually quite comfortable. I could dress eccentrically and brightly and be excused for it. I want a rocking chair and a blanket. I find young people annoying and loud...
I walk though the halls at DAL and see a first year class in the hallway. It makes me feel old.. and tall.. but mostly old. When really, I am only 2 years older- if that. There's sjust something missing lately and I can't really say what it is.
Sometimes I feel like I have all these ideas, but just no way of getting them out there. And sometimes it doesn't even bother me. I just have the nagging feeling that I should be out having more fun or soemthing. I don't want to look back 10 years from now and be like, gee I wish I would have had some more fun while I still could. I feel too responsible sometimes. I forget how to be a slacker and make stupid immature decisions. Not that I want to like self-destruct or something instead, but playing it safe is getting pretty boring.
I feel like this is all I ever talk about. I feel like I have been pondering and writing about this subject forever... ughhh... so boring.
PS Everybody should listen to the Doves...

Mixed drinks and techno beats

2005-10-17T23:21:00.000-03:00

Why does Snoop carry an umbrella?

Fo' drizzll....

snap.

It's been raining now for 2 weeks I swear..
The weather is fitting to my mood.
40+ hour weeks and school have gotten the better of me.
Surprisingly it took a month and a half to happen.
I just want to sleep for a day
Joel Plaskett both opened and closed his show with "From the Back of the Film"
I liked it
(and realize it was 2 weeks ago) (but I also realize that it seems like 2 months ago)
I am thinking of getting rid of my 2-tone hair
I can wear real earings again soon
This excites me, but I also wish I would have just gotten tunnels and left them stretched
I've been listening to a lof ot The Doves lately
they're really good, and worth checking out
I suggest Black and White Town
My parents are getting a new puppy.
Her name is Ruby and she is a black lab
I am excited because I will have something to entertain myself with over Christmas break.
I am also dreading being home for an extended period of time.
I made it 4 hours last time before I wanted to leave.... and I was only there for a total of 20 hours...
I want to go on a vacation
I want to go some place warm and sit on the beach and drink for a week and not have to do or think about anything
I can't say that I am overly sad or despressed
just unsettled
restless even
In fact, I would say I have been quite happy lately
I still need a getaway though
I have Friday off
I am going to nap, and go shopping.
I can pick up my ipod nano tomorrow after school
I am going to start skating again... assuming I can make it out of bed in time for practice... so really, maybe I won't be starting skating again any time soon
I am tired
I am going to bed.

SCANDLE!

2005-09-29T16:25:00.000-03:00

Suckas..

My life is about as scandle free as a box of crackers lately.
Not to say that I have ever lived an overly dramatic life to be perfectly honest. I think I used to resent this fact but I am coming more to terms with it now.
That's not to say however that I do not welcome the occasional shake up, or even go looking for it occasionally.
Anyway

So it's almost October. In general, I am a fan of October as a month. Fall is pretty much the only time of the year that I genuinely enoy being outside. I like summer, don't get me wrong, but summer means bugs and sunburns. Fall on the other hand means crisp air and plus its pretty. I enjoy Halloween too, although I always felt let down that November came right after Halloween, because November is always such a shitty month.
Sunny days in October make me want to go frollic and jump in piles of leaves for some reason. And you all know how I don't really do nature and nature related things....

And thus concludes my Ode to October. Thank you.

The neighbours upstairs have the absolute WORST taste in music in the whole world I'm pretty sure. Not only do they constanly blare said terrible music at all hours of the day and night, but they play the same 10 songs over and over. Seriously, who needs to listen to 1 Celine Dion song, let alone the same song 3 times in the span of like 20min... I don't understand.. They live with a boy and everything, so like.... is it his music? Does he like it too?? He looked like a normal dude when he moved in, but now I question it. Most guys I know would put a stop to those shenanagins before the first falsetto note hit.

I think that I am going to make then some mix CD's and casually drop them in their mailbox. Either that, or I am going to devise a way to mount my speakers and sub to the ceiling, and then play really hardcore music all the time or something crazy like that.. and then leave for days at a time and leave the music playing.....

In other news, I have a hardcore desire to go on a trip somewhere. More specifially though, a roadtrip to.... wherever... The plan as of now is to head off to Tennesse in June for Bonaroo, but there may be some logisitcs there seeing as how I'm going with my co-workers, and somebody will need to stay behind and make sure the restaurant is like staffed...
At any rate, I just want to go on some random crazy adventure. I seriously feel as though this could be accomplished on the cheap. And I mean really, who does anything in May anyway? Why not take the whole month to go on an adventure? Who's with me..

All right then.

Speed dial number 2

2005-09-16T13:08:00.000-03:00

So

First full week of school is done.
In general, I'd say it went ok..
I mean.. as okay as sitting in class can get, you know? Classes seem decently interesting for the most part. I was thinking about dropping a class and just taking 4 this semester because its a crazy class. However, its my one required class for the whole year and it would mean having to take a summer class, which would interfer with my not going to school during the summer months and quite possibly with my trip to Bonaroo.
So, I think I have decided to dig deep and take it like a man, or something like that.
It is however, the first time I have shed tears over school since high school I do believe. 3 cheers for being unreasonable and stressed!!!

In other news, I think I have decided to go totally vegeterian. (note the I think... its going to be tough..) Atleast until Thanksgiving.... I've been skirting around this whole vegeterianism thing for quite some time now, and even ate some bacon on new years day in a state of extreme hung-overness. However, I feel I need to test it out. I think I can do it. I don't eat that much chicken to begin with because I am too cheap to buy it. I usually only eat chicken in stuff when I eat out, and I would like to curb that habit a bit too. I set the deadline of Thanksgiving too because I know that I will eat turkey at thanksgiving... or I think I will atleast, and if I do then I won't be letting myself down or something like that...
I'm sure you're quite glad that you just took the time to read that paragraph on my eating habits too......

Tomorrow is my first weekend day off quite possibly all summer? (is it even still considered summer??)
Anyway.. it's supposed to rain and I am absolutely thrilled. I am sleeping in, no alarm clock, and then I am staying in my bed or atleast in my pj's all day and reading. I know this probably sounds like the dullest day ever but I am totally excited for it.
I might even rent a movie in the afternoon... who knows what crazy things I might do.
The tomorrow night is a show at the Marquee with the roomie.. There is nothing wrong with being a groupie. I repeat NOTHING WRONG!

I hope that tomorow all day does something to lift the general mood of blah that has been hanging around with me and the appartment in general lately. Perhaps a sexy swinging dance party is in order...

Anywho, time to read and drink a big cup of coffee (totally almost wrote a big coffee of cup.... i think that attests to just how badly i need the afore mentioned cup of coffee..)

Actually, I'm just a little bit bored, he he he...

2005-09-09T14:39:00.000-03:00

ahhh dunch... you know... not quite lunch, not quite dinner...anywho..

I hate packing, but moreso, I hate unpacking, thus this is my diversion.

Soo... Ottawa

AWESOME.
seriously.
With 2 possible exceptions, 1. Air Canada and their trouble getting both me and my bags to Ottawa, for that I stick my middle finger up. And 2. Having to leave.

As mentioned before, Air Canada's ineptness caused my first day to be a write off between waiting for planes and waiting for more planes with everybody's bags but mine on board.
Monday we took a day trip to Montreal, which was awesome. First time there, it was a pretty spiffy place, I'm not going to lie. Most stuff was closed as it was Labour day but I totally enjoyed just walking around and taking pictures all day as well.
(PS Kat and Kev( and anybody else who wants to see a cool building...): http://www.archinform.net/projekte/6685.htm?ID=cQ3EpXCZHUqS7snH

The rest of my time was divided shopping, eating, going to the museum, and drinking a whole lot of Freixenet and orange juice. So much so as a matter of fact that it is my personal belief that I should become the spokesperson for Freixenet... Hello free samples.

In closing I cried the whole time on the plane coming home and yes, once again to come back to a common theme, kind of wish I would have never left.

Especially after the uselessness that was today at school.

First class was a tutorial, which of course, was cancelled. Then I decided to get my student ID, which I'm pretty sure if officially the WORST picture that has ever been taken of me. Seriously, pictures from like grade 4 when i had bad glasses and hair are glamor shots compared to this one. Needless to say, I'm just a little TO'd and will probably end up "losing" my ID in order to get another.
My second class literally lasted long enough to get my syllabus... my prof had lyrangitis.... but on the plus side, she seems wicked cool... However I am skeptical on the class... I have to write an essay for the 23rd on a personal experience with a bad employer... Hello can you say Perks? I think I should get an A+ on the paper for sure.

All my neighbours have moved in, and I've always been like I would be ok with constant loud music so long as it was rock and roll..... turns out its actually a little bit annoying.
But it's not Persian techno, so I think I can tough it out..

So now I'm exhausted and I still need to go work tonight... uggggh.... I need a break... or.. I need a break from my break...
Really, i jst want one day to stay in bed all day and not worry about not making money or not doing the reading that I have stacked up... so basically........ in 8 months time I will hopefully achieve that.....

gross.

All the Pretty Faces

2005-08-26T14:59:00.000-03:00

So, I'm not dead... I am still alive, just to throw that out there.

It's August 26............

What the fuck! Where did summer go.
I can remember sitting here when i first moved in when it was cold and raining and counting the days until school started and I could finally go out and do something and know people in the city again.

Well, now I don't want that to happen.

I know people now. It's warm. I finally have a job that I like. And I just don't wanna damnit.

I'm even delaying the inevitable by missing my first day of school to stay in Ottawa.
I thought being there would be more important than going to school for like 20min to get my syllabus....

And I am so freaking excited to go that it is kind of rediculous. I am like a little kid counting down the days until Christmas morning or something, only replace Xmas with Ottawa...... right

On the down side, there has been a dire shortage of Mel time lately.
Last night was supposed to be the first night that I would be home longer than just to sleep in weeks, but then the dryer decided that it wasn't going to work so I ended up trekking my wet clothes across town to use somebody else's dryer.
And when I got home I was tired and pissed off and just ended up going to bed anyway.

So to compensate, I went shopping today with my mom and bought make-up. I do feel better... I really do. Small things my friends, small things..

Saturday night I am going to Shakespeare By the Sea's production of the Merchant of Venice. I am sooo excited. Firstly, it's shakespeare, outside, in point pleasant park! And second, MOV is a wicked play and I will actually know what it going on instead of sitting there half confused as was the case with The Tempest last year....

Yay culture!

So to sum up, August has totally made up for some of the shittiness that was the rest of the summer.... Not to say that the whole summer was shitty all the time, it was just... not as cool as August.
The End.

PS. OTTAWA IN 9 DAYS, 18 HOURS AND 10MIN
AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally something to write about!!!!!!

2005-08-02T13:25:00.000-03:00

Yes! It's true!
I actually have something worthy of writing about. It is truly a big day for me........

Woo!
Ok, first of all, I got a new job! Well, 2 actually... but I'm only going to work at one of them. I quit Perks today!!!!! It was effing awesome. Such a good feeling to be like, eff you.
I have to work tonight and then tomorrow, but then I am done. I start my new job Thursday for training and then I work the weekend.
I'm a banquet server at a pretty posh hotel that is only a 15min walk away. It seems like a pretty good company to work for and there is a lot of potential to move up and do other stuff like waitressing in the pub thats there and what not.
The important part is that it is NOT PERKS. And believe me, that is super key.

The other job I was offered was at a restaurant in the casino hotel. I would be waitressing/hostessing/bartending, but it would be casual work, thus no guarantee of hours and no obligation to give me hours, so it seemed kind of risky I guess? More up in the air and I don't really do well with up in the air when it makes the difference between me getting a paycheque to buy groceries or not...

So that pretty much capped what was quite possibly the best damn weekend that I have had in ages.

Friday was pretty slow, but nice. I got to sleep in and stuff which was pretty cool.
Saturday was a blast.. thats the only way to put it.. I worked during the day (not such a blast) but then Sat. night me, joce, and 2 other ladies headed out to the fireworks. Of course, not before drinking before at the appartment. The fireworks were really good, we made all kinds of stupid funny comments and the people immediately around us had a good time listening to us and joining in. Afterwards, we headed over to the beer tent.
It is at this point that things get messy.
We drank, we enjoyed, we sang, we danced... good times had by all
At this point, since we are already twisted drunk, we decide that going to a pub where there were $2 drinks would be the best course of action. So off we go.
But first, we made a detour at the 24 hour Perks downtown to hit up the bathroom facilities.
The place is of course a mess, so there is no toilet paper and one of the seats is broken, so there are 4 or 5 of us in total in there (me and joce, and then these 3 other girls who were together). So anyway, we're waiting our turn and this girl was drying her hands right beside Joce, so her being chatty and drunk to boot, compliments her on her very pretty ring. The girl replies "Aw, thanks! It's my engagement ring!" So of course, the next obvious question is, "When are you getting married", said Jocelyn. To which the girl replied in this still-happy-too-drunk-to-care voice, "Oh, he died in March!"
!!!!
Oh shit!
So here me and Joce are, trying our hardest not to burst out laughing and we're both like.... "oh wow... I'm really sorry....."
Holy shades of the girl in the bathroom at the Rideau Centre!!!!!!!!!!!! (for those of you who don't know, me and kat were hammed in the bathroom at the Rideua centre in Ottawa one night and started talking to this girl who was like, maybe 15 and about 90 pounds soaking wet.. and we were talking and kat said something about going out, and she was like "Yeah, it's my first night out since the baby! See ya later girls!" leaving us to laugh hysterically and be confused in general..)
Um so, lesson learned here is that its better to just not talk to strange people while intoxicated in public bathrooms.....

So then we went to Peddler's Pub eventually.. after making some detours to direct confused tourists and do a rocking version of drop it like its hot in the CIBC bank on Barrington street.. Snnnoooooooooop!
Peddler's is packed, and there are several dozen rugby players there.....There are far too many good looking guys who go out with their ugly and nasty best friends. Somebody should look into this.. I mean come on.

Anyway, we finally made it home.. crashed in bed around 3.
Sunday was also another wonderful day. Had an interview and then went and spend the day with Joce, Bex and eventually Allison. We walked around, we lunched, we ate homemade gelato, we made fun of people in the street in the sunshine. It was beautiful.
Monday I went on a road trip with my parents which was actually super fun. We went to a museum and it was really cool and we had this super hot guide who kept like following us around explaining things to us. History, Museums and Hot Boys are some of my favourite things...... and then imagine them.. ALL TOGETHER! So much awesome... Then we went to more fireworks which were good but slightly missing due to the fog. And then MORE BEER! but altogether a much more tame night than Saturday.
I wish it was natal day long weekend every weekend... Thanks Halifax for being founded and then spurring such a wonderful weekend..

The end.

Nothing says healthy like having tots for supper...

2005-07-24T18:49:00.000-03:00

So this puppy has been neglected as of late.

The simple truth though, is that my life is not interersting enough to warrant a blog post.

My days consist of rolling out of bed at 6am and working and then chilling afterwards.
Now, don't get me wrong, the chilling has been fun and memorable, (though some of those memories may be clouded due to the amount of alcohol in my system). But nothing spectacular. Or maybe its just that I don't feel like sharing.. or something..

I guess there have been some "what the damn hell" moments in the last week or so, but I really don't feel it's necessary to waste the energy to type them out because well I guess that would just be acknowledging just how pissed off they made me. And when I say "some" I mean just one, and when I say "they" I mean he.

I think I'm actually looking forward to school starting. This happens to me every summer around this time. It's like right smack in the middle of working. And I reach the point that I'm just so damn tired of working all the time that I just want to scream. And all i want to do is go on a random road trip, or really shake up my routine somehow, but all I can do is just get up and go to work again for what seems like the 100th day in a row. And so school starts to become this idealized escape much like work seems like in those long days of mid March when the thought of reading another book and writing another paper makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm perpetually caught wishing to be somewhere, but I have no idea just where that somewhere is.

Bah anyway, thats enough meloncholy and deepness for awhile

PS. Kat: I had this really random dream where I was at your house in Hamilton and I had a friend with me, and I was worried that my friend wan't going to get along with your friends. And then your brother was there, but he had blonde curly hair and glasses and he was wearing american eagle pants on backwards and my parents called for some reason and I got pissy and said "fuck" on the phone to them for some unknown reason.... and thats all I remember..

Freedom like a shopping cart

2005-07-10T18:35:00.000-03:00

Soo...

Haven't been feelin too wordy lately, but to post in pictures would be complicated, and I don't have pictures from recent times... except that one night from the Dome...

Anyhoo

Workin still, as always
thats enough about that though.

Waiting for the roomie to come home presently so she can uncover the secret of where the laundry room key is hidden so I can have a clean shirt for tomorrow, and clean socks too.

I finally got my hair partially fixed, the blonde part at least. For some reason the black dye didn't stay in my hair, so I have to go back tomorrow to get that fixed up. Finally.. maybe I will start to have some good hair days now finally!
Pictures to follow.

I have decided that I need a BBQ, and a deck... but mostly just a BBQ.. or atleast make friends with someone who has a BBQ... hmm...

www.songmeanings.net
Is this site with the lyrics to literally every song and people's thoughts on what the lyrics mean. Some of them are pretty cool I guess if you like that kind of thing. There are also a lot of wanker kids on there who think that they're top notch music critics and they say some pretty stupid things... for example, when talking about the lyrics to John Mayer's "Daughters" some people were all like "boo fucking hoo" and like "I hate this song", which clearly means that they are idiots, in my opinion... but yeah, at the very least, its a good place to lyrics that are fairly accurate and all that and there is a lot of obscure stuff.
I've been hitting that up a lot lately, so I thought that I would share... its all about the sharing.

Tomorrow is margarita night... can't wait.. Now to go clean my clothes....

Dear Ottawa,

2005-07-05T12:15:00.000-03:00

I miss you all times 1 million.

<3 Mel.

Will you still need me will you still feed me when I'm 64..

2005-06-24T17:55:00.000-03:00

I feel the need to write soemthing.... more positive than last time.
I left that last one hanging out there for awhile.

Stuff still sucks for the most part, but I've already covered that.

I do however have Canada day off! And not to mention a decent working schedule for the next 2 weeks to lessen the suck somewhat.

So it's Friday. Another weekend. What the fuck? Where did that come from. Time flies and all that business.

Its warm, the city is growing on me in a big way.

I walked by the Public Gardens Monday night en route to get drunk on Monday (a tradition it seems....) and saw all the kids getting their prom pictures taken. As if that was already like 2 years ago.
I seem to keep running into all these people from my past, or atleast seeing them walk by on the street. This one girl I went to school with in Chester got married this spring. Then I started wondering whose wedding I would attend first out of my friends. I have my suspicions, but you just never know. Either way, no way in hell am I wearing some ugly bridesmaide dress. Fuck that. I call fashion consultant to any wedding I may be involved with in the future in order to insure only the prettiest of dresses worn by all in attendance. Thank you.

And so here I sit, all dressed up and not sure where/if/when I go..

I went home this week.. Took some time for what I thought would be a breather. Turns out home stresses me out more than being here at work does. The longer I am home the more apparant it becomes to me that being there isn't a good thing for me. I work much better from a distance be it 40min or 3 provinces.

On the nerdy side of things, I got some new computer speakers. Shit son. Thats all I have to say.. My poor neighbours must hate me when I crank Buck 65 with the bass up all the way at 8 in the morning... oooops... I forget that just because I'm awake doesn't mean everybody else is... Oh well.

Fuck I had a serious reason to write this whole entry deal up but do you think I can remember thet point that I wanted to make now? nope. No... its gone. just like that.

I picked my courses for next year sort of.. I made a schedule atleast, although I have this feeling that everything I am taking is a 1/2 year credit, so then I will just have to back to the proverbial drawing board and pick some more stuff. Highlights include Youth culture (sex drugs and rock and roll basically....), intro to world religions (i figured it was time to have some solid info backing my anti-religious ideas..), and a whole class on the cold war!!!!!!!! (gaaah... only I and possibly another history major could get that excited over that class...) And then some kind of english thing, like contemporary criticism or theory or some shit like that? I don't even know, its a requirement and its the only class of a choice of 3 that works in my schedule. Oh and late 20th century lit. I might also take the history of rock and roll if it turns out that one of my classes is only a fall class. Lets all hold out for that. SO freaking cool. I think I could TEACH that class.....

On that note I think I am going to change my outfit one more time...Good day to you.

Falling down the rabbit hole...

2005-06-12T18:47:00.000-03:00

Lately, (as in the past few months) I kind of feel like I have been slipping. Pretty much in every aspect of everything.
I've been slipping up in friendships a lot, I started to slip up in school at the end of the semester, and now I am totally slipping up in work.
I have been an employee for a total of 10 days, already I have had to lie about being hungover to go home early because I was too sick to work, and then today I thought that I worked at 9, but in reality it was 7 (mind you, this has a lot to do with a major fuck up on my manager's part and her shitty pencil written note instead of a formal schedule...) So when the phone rang at 7:10 to wake me up, informing me that I should probably go ahead and get my ass to work like 10min ago, this all sort of came to a head.
Why this apathy?
Especially towards the people who are paying me to do stuff (however shitty and redundant it may be..)
More importantly however, is the fact that I am losing touch with people. On top of that I don't even know how to go about making more of an effort.
Somebody told me at the beginning of all this how the universe wouldn't just let me drift around without a purpose. As reassuring as that maybe was at the time, the universe can get off its coffee break and start showing me some meaning any time now. These last couple of months have been like one constant kick in the head, reinforcing these things called consequences. Casue and effect, just everything has been about cause and effect. I'm pretty sure I get the meaning of that whole little life lesson now, so that can just eff off too.
I also keep hearing these buzz words about "karma" well that can start to turn around any damn time too for sure. I think I've gotten my taste of the bad luck, so the good luck can start coming any time it wants. Seriously though. What the fuck?
As some other wise words state however, I do still have my fingers and I'm not fat. Infact some of my tight clothes aren't so tight anymore. It's just hard to keep sight of the small things when these big things feel like they're blocking my view of everything.
I think that I've had my chin up (so to speak) for so long that the muscles are starting to shake and get tired.
I feel like a ship without port (got to start using the nautical references, I am in Halifax after all..)
I need a safe port to tie up in. I'm feeling pretty weathered. (Hows that for deep and cheesy.)

I miss my Ottawa friends.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go brood and feel sorry for myself some more.

I wear my sunglasses at night...

2005-06-03T21:33:00.000-03:00

Woooooo what a week!

Lets start from the beginning....
no. WAIT.
I'm starting from today and working BACKWARD!

Friday: Had to be at work for 8am, which was a bitch and a half. Had a failry sucessful day, I am officially done training. I also had a job interview at La Cave this afternoon. Apparently they got 200+ resumes and out of those they chose like less than 10 people to interview. So even if I don't get the job, it's still pretty cool that I atleast got an interview. The guy that did the interviewing said that he would call me back tonight sometime.... It's 9:40ish now.. so we'll see I guess.. On the way home from the interview I detoured through the Public Gardens. I sat on a bench by the duck pond with my water and just enjoyed the day... It really is pretty there. I think I kind of take it for granted because I've been going there since I can remember. This spring has been all about seeing familiar things with new eyes it seems.

But then. The best part of the day.
The BEST part my friends....

I GOT MAIL!!! From KAT!!! She sent my candy junk food!!! And a Picture!!!!!!! But the best part by far, was the poem... So- Dear Kat, That was amazing. It made me laugh, it made me cry, thanks friend.

Thursday: First full day of work! I got my dippy uniform and I do indeed have to take out my nose ring. Bitches and Hoes. Went out for ice-cream tonight and for 2 walks around the city because it was effing beautiful outside.

Wednesday: Had my 2nd interview for Perks! She called me at like 10 as I was just waking up and was like "how soon can you be here?" and I was like "11:30ish?" and she's all like, "see ya then" and so then I went, and I talked, and she hired me, and then I started that night at 5! haha.. This was also the first sunny day in literally a month.

Tuesday: Today sucked. There really is no other way to put it. It was raining, and cold (what else is new) and I was bored and unemployed. I was feeling pretty damn shitty thats for sure. As a result, I layed on the futon under a quilt and just sort of stared off into space.

Monday: Had a job interview at Perks! It went pretty well. I finished training at the old folks home. At the end of my shift my boss called me into his office (all i could think was, DAMNIT! Im going to miss the bus now and have to wait a whole hour for the next one....) and he was like "We sense that you're very unhappy here" (no shit.) and so I was like "Yeah. I am. I had a job interview this morning. If i get the job I intend to take it." and he was like, "Ok. We are giving you the opportunity to resign" and I was like "Cya later." And so, thus concluded the worst 4 days of my life. Upon getting home, I realized that I was once again unemployed and sorta screwed. But the modd was lifted slightly by the discovery of a new FUTON MATTRESS!! Yesssss.... Now we have furnature in our living room like a real appartment!! instead of just the uncomfortable frame and big pillows that we were using.. (we're hardcore..) Stay tuned for news regarding a house warming party......

So to recap, incase you're confused:
-Quit old folks home.
- Got new job as coffee "hostess" or barista if you will, at Halifax's own starbucksish esatblishment, Perks, which is a 30sec. walk from my apaprtment (score)
- another job interview for a wicked nice restaurant that specilizes in gourmet cheesecake!! (and I thought my pants were tight NOW!)

It has been quite the week indeed

Shoot Me Now.

2005-05-28T22:55:00.000-03:00

Jell-o Cheesecake has been an interersting flavour experience.
Now that thats out of the way....

I got a job.... It pays $10.61 an hour, but wait. Things that are too good to be true, usually are.

I work at a retirement home. The way it was explained to me, was that it wasn't a nursing home. More of a community, like an extreme luxury appartment building. BULLSHIT.

I was hired as a waitress. BULLSHIT.

There is a set menu every night, that the residents choose like a week ahead of time. They shuffle, wheel, roll whatever, into the dinding room every night. Only, they all come in at different times and what not. So, say there are tables for 4, and you have 7 of these tables in your section. At one table, there might be somebody having an appetizer, somebody with a main couse, somebody with dessert and somebody yet to arrive and any number of endless bunches of fun combinations like that. So basically, I make 30 million trips back and forth to every table.
That is the easy part.

After everybody shuffles back up to their respective appartments, the entire dining room needs to be cleaned. All of the tables need to be cleared, and ALL of the dinner dishes need to be washed. Every meal is 3 courses, there are cups and saucers as well as bread plates on every table. There are roughly 35 tables in the dining room. I wash the dishes. as well as a lot of the dishes from the kitchen. Thats right folks, I am an effing dishwasher.
After that, I get to scrub down the entire dishroom AND the kitchen! Hooorah!
FUCKING SHOOT ME NOW.

Oh, and the best part is, I have to wear long black pants, and a long sleeved white shirt... and a bowtie. Its like a million degrees in the building because old people are perpetually cold.

Oh, and today? today they spotted my 2-toned hair.

"What's on her HEAD?" "What's wrong with her HAIR?" "Is that her hair or is she wearing a band on her head?"
In voices loud enough so that I could hear them perfectly clearly, because older folks assume that you cannot hear well because they can't.

I effing swear it right now that I want somebody to do me in before I end up like that.
I do NOT want to go in a home, I do NOT want to have a wheelchair, walker or cane. For my sake, and yours, just effing give me too many pills or something.

All I can keep thinking about is why the hell am I doing this when I could have been back working at the Rope Loft, looking out over the harbour everyday, doing a job that I actually enjoyed and raking in the dough.
This job sucks the life right out of me. The only thing that prevented me from a full on breakdown at the bus stop was the fact that I did not want to have to trek all across Halifax with mascara and eyeliner caked all on my face.

To cap this wonderful week off, I had my braces tightened and I haven't had solid food since Thursday morning. I am hungry and my mouth is throbbing.

On the bright side, or potential bright side atleast, I have a job interview at a coffee shop on Monday. Lets hope that work out, if it does I am SO gone from this bullshit job I have right now.
If I can get that, plus something else part time, I will be ok......

I will be ok... I WILL be ok....

Eventually........................

An Ode to Jocelyn

2005-05-22T13:23:00.000-03:00

A rainy Sunday it was, not too long ago
In an appartment on Pepperell St.
2 roomates sat down the hall from each other, talking on MSN.
Why, may you ask?
For they were lazy, says I.

They had no cushion for their barren futon frame
The could not watch TV, nor movies, they could only complain.

The rain poured down and down
The minutes ticked on and on.

Suggestions of a tunnel to be dug; a passageway to the store
So absurd it was considered, life was such a bore.

And so one roomate questions why there is nothing in this blog.
Nothing to read, no accomplishments to applaud.

And so this is my answer dear roomate
This is what I have to say to you,

Where are you Richard?? I want to talk to you... Richard... RICHARD!!!!!!!!

Eff to the effing max.

2005-05-19T23:04:00.000-03:00

EFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok.....

Since really screaming might raise some eyebrows in the house of Mel, I needed to atleast electronically get that out.

But hey, on the other hand, having my parents think i have legitimately lost it might atleast get me outa here.....

Which, if I do say so myself, I need to effing do.

The tally: 26 resumes to 25 different restaurants (I took 2 to the bitter end...)
1 interview. 0 job.
Shoot me now.

To make matters worse, my parents have decided that I don't realize just how shitty of a situation I am in and so they feel the need to keep reminding me. "Jeeze, what are you going to do? I mean you need a job. Can you go bak to the Rope Loft? Maybe you should try..." Maybe you should cram it with walnuts.
Its like... ok Im 20. I realize how fucked I am. Riding my ass like I am some dumb ass kid is NOT helping. In fact it is making me feel more stressed out.

DAMNIT.

Ok.

Anyway..

Went to the Palace for the first time last weekend. Not bad, it's actually nice inside which is funny because it's so skeazy there. We got in VIP which I think just made the whole experience funnier. But yeah, whatev drank some wine, bonded with the roomie a little more it was a good night.

Before that, on Thursday night we went to this little show at Ginger's Tavern for this band called Down with the Butterfly. They were really good, and it was a nice small intimate environment. Good times were had by all. Then we had nachos at the shoe shop. Sooo good.

Saturday day was beautiful... I slept in wicked late and did nothing really...

Tuesday was feener's b-day celebration. We went to the knot. I like the knot. But then again I like any place that serves alchohol. As a result, I was kind of hung over on wednesday which is rare for me. I just haven't been getting much practice lately is all.

I got me some new specs too, they're pretty effing spiffy for glasses I guess.

Blah... so far this summer has been high in sucking. And it had better soon turn itself around, otherwise its not going to be pretty. Last summer was so much fun. What a let down to come home its been. I mean.... yeah I missed everybody here and all of that but like.... I don't have my freedom, I don't have cash, I miss Ottawa and more importantly I miss everybody from there... It's lonely here. Lonlier than a bachelor appartment on gilmour st I can tell you that much.

Anyway... enough of this woefulness and self- pitying...

Some other interesting things have occured, but I'm not sure what to make of them or even if I should be making anything out of them. I will leave it at that.

$99 for the Stones is rediculous... way to suck the fun outa that concert promoters.... I suggest a road trip anyway and we all just sit outside the concert grounds and listen.... All i need is a car... any takers???

eff.

I want my MTV

2005-05-06T22:22:00.000-03:00

I spent my first night in my new huge room in my new beautiful appartment on wednesday night. I am 75% unpacked, I need more shelves/places to put stuff before I can do the final push.
I handed out 15 resumes on Thursday and have probably 15 more places I could/should/ will go to.
Somebody had better atleast call me. I had to pay bills today and now I have no money plus more bills to pay. Bitches. Bitches and hoes.

So my room is huge, but pink..... but did I mention its huge??? yeah..... I have a pink room. Although it's not like baby pink, pink.. it's like... shell pink, or even a taupey pink... but definately a lot of pink. My favourite colour it lime green. I have a lot of lime green things. It does not look so hot. But I find that I care less and less.

We have a super tacky window. We decorated the living room. We have no furnature.

I miss people already......

I have been home for a week and while I have been busy, I feel.... let down or something.
Last summer coming home was amazing. I had a lot of stuff going on/ waiting for me when I first got back. I don't think I was home more than 2 nights for all of May. There were so many people to see and places to go and so far I haven't seen anybody.

Then again... who is there to see? This year it became clear that this summer would be different for a whole bunch of different reasons, and thats not to say that this isn't a good thing. Its just that all these changes seemed to happen without ceremony or warning, and then all of a sudden, Oh... ok then. I guess its hard to explain. Fact is, last summer was the best summer ever, and it was the root of my wanting to come home really. It wasn't the cause (although, I don't even know what the cause is really..) but it gave the desire a strong base.

At the same time, I don't really have any strong desire to restart some connections... I am content to be ultra anti-social for some reason. I give that about 3 more days until I am sick of hermitdom and need a social fix of people that are under the age of 25. seriously.

Is it just me or is mother's day hyped to the max this year? Like, it's almost like it's the new christmas. In may. and instead of it being about jesus, its about mothers. Your Mother to be exact.
I mean, I feel like I am the worst daughter in the world because I am not buying my mom a pink ipod mini or a freakin diamond necklace. I mean, help a brother out here, you know what I mean? Am I doomed to rot in bad daughter hell for the rest of my life because I spent my money on booze and other cheap thrills this year? Admittedly, I am exaggerating. but not by much damnit.

In other, less crazed news......

I made a case for my ipod tonight. Yeah, I resorted to sewing to ease my boredom. The cool part is though that the case is so freaking boss that it's sick. So phat that its sick if you will. It has an orange tropical print liner, and the outside is black cord and then the coolest part ever is this hot pink eighth note that I embroidered on the front all by myself! man I'm so fucking crafty sometimes! It only took me like.... 2 hours to make... not even. Except now my index finger and thumb are wicked sore and full of all kinds of minature needle holes because I kept stickin myself.

And then like, tomorrow, I am like, so totally like going to like the valley! Ohmygod. I'm like totally excited. Really... I am. I'm not lying... I need a life... or a job. Or maybe both.
I think this has gone on long enough, don't you?

Ps. if you just read all that, high five yourself for perservearing...

Home Bitter Home...

2005-05-02T21:42:00.000-03:00

Right so... I'm home... back in NS... wooooooo....

To say I was less than thrilled would be well.... the truth I guess.

My Ottawa time sped by too fast. I felt rushed and frazzled. It all was over before I was ready to let it all go. I also missed out on saying goodbye to a few key people whom I really wanted to see before I left. Plus it rained the whole last 4 days or so..

Sulking aside though, it was super to have Feener there for the moral support. I'm sure most of downtown Ottawa and some OC transpo drivers are wondering who the crazy crying girl was..... but uh, whatever.

So yeah, flight delayed and rough. Got home late... didn't really sleep although I was quite exhausted.
I think I lasted a record 14 hours before becoming so bored that I wanted to cry. I made it 5 after my parents got home before I wanted to run away screaming, and that brings us to today...

I move my stuff to Halifax tomorrow.

I would stay but I am wicked broke.
I might stay anyway..........

The new Joel Plaskett is really countryish...... I dunno if I'm that crazy about it.
New NIN and a Sloan's greatest hits CD. Not too shabby if I do say so.

Thus in conclusion...... HIRE ME. PAY ME MONEY. GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

Update, in list form

2005-04-23T23:34:00.000-03:00

The low down thus far:

Manicures and Martinis- we tried, last thursday for some special reason, it was suspended until next thursday, thus feener will get to partake in the festivities.
Mud Oven - Check. How ugly or beautiful (lets be realistic... how utterly disgusting) our creations are will remain to be seen until we get around to going back to pick them up.
Ice Princess - SO CHECK! That capped birthday extravaganza day. Worst. Movie. Ever. Yet, enjoyable....
Wasted on Wednesday: Due to lack of time, I don't think this will happen... not in Ottawa atleast... If Kat comes to Halifax, we will go to the Dome for cheap drink wednesday for shizzll.
80's Night at Barrymores: not yet, but tomorrow night IS sunday afterall...........
Brunch at NAC restaruant: sort of... had lunch at Canal Ritz... sort of the same deal, only involving more lettuce than breakfasty items..
Go Bowling: Done like dinner man!!!! That is the best sober fun I have had in a long time. Glow in the dark AND disco!! wooooop! They played Ricki Martin and the Macarana, AND Mambo #5 as well as a bunch of other totally chessy music that everybody knew the words to regardless......

And so, since this is the 1 week mark of my departure from this fine city, I have prepared a list of things I will miss, and then a list of things I will not miss....

What I will miss:

You. and you, and you, and you.... all of you.
OC transpo, specifically, the O-train... I have a secret obsesion with the o-train, although I guess since i just said that its not so secret anymore...
Driving by parliment on the bus, or walking by it on the way downtown
All the national museums
living in the captial
the canal
Pizza Pizza pizza
the abundance of starbucks and second cups.... are there even starbucks in Halifax?!
Jacob, Old Navy, Ikea, Nine West and any other store we don't have in NS
being from "away"
satellite TV

Things I will NOT miss

My appartment
my sketchy neighbourhood
the fricken -40 C winters
the lack of garlic fingers
my landlord and his band nerd kids; the flute, trumpet and entire beginner band that constantly disrupted my quiet.
bilingualism

Blah.... somebody live this next week for me... k thanks.

Overheard in Ottawa Part 3...

2005-04-19T17:23:00.000-03:00

Lady to her wandering dog....

"Oliver! Why did you run away?! Dogs don't run away, that's what teenagers do!"

-Overheard in the Glebe

Twice in one day? woah sebessa...

2005-04-17T22:44:00.000-03:00

The past posts I have made haveing been BORING. Lets face it. They've been boring. I'm sorry.

However, this
is anything but boring..... A 30 day road trip on the bus through all of Canada, the States and even Mexico.

or

You can take the train

So........ who's in?

X-Treme Birthday

2005-04-17T13:00:00.000-03:00

So lets see...

I managed to turn 20 without having any significant breakdowns and I am quite unscathed by the whole thing if I do say so.
Friday was a great day, I had ice cream for lunch, I mean a day thats starts off like that cannot go downhill. Did some shopping, checked out Holt Renfrew, which was like... ultra disapointing. I was expecting.... more stuff that I would like? Instead there was like stuff that my mom or grandma would wear.... Either way, it was still cool. Later on me and Kat went to see Ice Princess......... Yes.... it was lame.... and corny... but thats what was to be expected, so I mean we didn't go in expecting to be watching the future oscar winner for best picture, and we weren't disapointed.

Saturday consisted of helping move stuff and cruising around in a U-Haul to south of ottawa south, yes my friends, a way mini road trip in a u-haul. It was a bitching good time and I am not even being sarcastic. I miss driving, and driving around. I'm tired of being a slave to ths bus schedule.
And then..... Saturday night was a birthday surprise party... Super cool, super fun.. A great night all around for sure.

So I think its safe to say that this has been one of the better weekends ever, and to cap it all off, it's a solid 20 degrees outside. Could it be any better?? Well.. yes.. I guess it could.. I suppose it could be september or something and I wasn't leaving so goddamned soon.........not that I don't want to go home.... but I'm just having such a damn good time here.

I for sure had a funny story but I really don't remember it now. Eff.

Ugh I do not want to be reading 18th century British literature today..... Maybe I will put that on hold for awhile and go out and enjoy the day......

Truthfully, Truthfully

2005-04-11T12:57:00.000-03:00

Dear Mel,
WHAT the FUCK?

- Your Liver.

Sooo... this weekend eh? It was pretty benderiffic... Thursday night especially was wuite hardcore. What are best freiends for if they cannot take pictures of their friends puke on the sidewalk? I think I captured the angle very well, and the lighting definately was working in my favour... DISGUSTING!

But seriously, fun times were had by all (for the most part) this weekend. Friday was a chill, chill day. However, not really for me since I was awakened at 8am by some really poor trumpet playing. Like beginner band kids on the first day with their instruments were better than this sucka playing away at 8am. Just because I had a party the night before, doesn't really warrant such a wake up call in my opinion. Crazy french bastard.

Saturday was.. shit what did I do during the day?? Study I guess... I get the feeling I did something else but it really escapes me at the moment... Either way, checked out Ottawa's Lower Deck. Not bad at all. Fake seagulls, old barrels, buoys... made me feel like I was back home.... well not really, but it was still a pretty nice place. As an aside, I applied to the REAL Lower Deck in Hafilax (I intended to spell it like that...) so lets all hope that works out.

Finally, yesterday I studied, I got my mystery film developed (Ps, it's AWESOME!) But then.... Last night I finally hit up 80's night at Barrymores!!! I only live less than 5 min away, and there is no cover, so what the shit took me so long to get there?! Either way it was a good time. I vote we all go back before the end of the year and totally 80's skank it up.. Like lets find a crimper and some neon spandex and everything my friends...

So I'm 20 in 4 days.. sucks. but I think I will live. A lot of other people seem to have turned 20 and come out of it all right, so there is hope for me yet.
Starting to get some b-day plans in the works as well. I do believe that it will be Zak's for lunch consisting of a bananna split. Yeah thats right bitches. When you're 20 you can eat ice cream for lunch. And then that night? I really have no idea.. Probably a pub... but where? and which one? Who will be there?? How drunk will I be? etc.

And finally, in recognition of the fact that I have too few days left in this fair city, Kat and I have composed a list of things to do before I go. In no order.....

Martini-Manicure Thursdays at MTL (booze and fancy and manicures.. can you go wrong?)
Mud Oven (paint your own pottery place)
Go see Ice Princess (mock me and I'll cut you)
Sassy Bead to make a necklace (insert witty comment here..)
Get wasted on a Wednesday (We've done every other random, non-traditional drinking weeknight)
80's night at Barrymores (technically I just did this, but I want to do it again...)
Brunch at the NAC restaurant (it overlooks the canal and is ultra fancy)
Go Bowling..... (now, we all know how good at bowling I am, so this one holds a special place in my heart...........right.)
Make fun of Derek. (his words, not mine my friends)

And so, with exams and all that stupid mandatory BS I will be very busy... but thats cool.

Roman history calls to me now.....yes... please help me.... save me from my boredom.... aaaaaaah...

-M.

What do you call cheese that is not your own?

2005-04-06T20:31:00.000-03:00

... ready for it?!?!?!?!?

NACHO CHEESE!!

Ohhh man I slay me.... seriously.

So I am done classes at Carleton University. I am also done assignments. And will be done exams in like 3 weeks... How time flies.

Finishing up was the most anti-climactic moment of my life I'm pretty sure. I was just like, "oh. how's about that...." I also just realized that I am pretty much 1/2 way finished my degree. yikes.

I got a letter from DAL telling me that all of my credits transfer. How cool is that? I just have to take something called "Writing class" to fulfill the requirements of my degree.. I hope that doesn't involve soemthing lame like I dunno, grammer or something. I'm pretty sure I would lose my shit if I have to do a class like that.

I wore sandles for the first time this season today. Boy was it sweet. Makes me remember just how much I hate socks. But then of course it rained on the way home... but I made it before I did any damage to my Birks.

Tomorrow night= bender to celebrate being finished class. woot woot. It's been like.... a week, atleast since I've gone out to drink and be merry. Maybe less, maybe more, I really can't remember. Maybe that's a bad sign.

I totally got an FCUK shirt at winners today for a rediculously low sum of money. This makes me extra happy.

I turn 20 in rediculously few days.... this scares me. But at the same time, I've been easing myself into it... I still expect it to be a weird day...

I'm really just typing stuff for the sake of taking up space now.. so I will stop. Ok. I'm done. As of now. No more. The End.

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch...

2005-04-01T17:49:00.000-04:00

As the end of the year is already here, this rant is less than timely, but I still feel the need to share this.
My psychology class is a big first year class in a lecture theatre. Many people bring their laptops to class to take notes since all the notes are on powerpoint slides and that's a big waste of paper having to print them all out.
This class is also quite boring. People with laptops play games on them when they are bored. They do not make noise, they do not pump their firsts in the air when they win their solitare game, they just quietly disengage themselves from paying attention. Where is the harm in this I ask you??
Apparently this is quite upsetting to some people. Or just one jack ass in particular.
This jackass happens to be a mature student too.
He is constantly heckling the prof and making stupid anecdotal comments about his stupid life.
So anyway, today we were talking about how in our worlds we have all this stuff coming at us, but our brain only processes what is crucial to what we need at the moment. Even though there are constantly distractions all around us, we all manage to function well. So this dick puts his hand up and says "Kind of like right now, as i look at all these people (there was 1 guy...) with laptops who seem to always sit at the front and play video games during the lecture." and the prof was like, "...uh... what do you mean?" and he was like "It's just hard to concentrate when the people in front of you aren't paying attention to the lecture" and then he points to the kid with the laptop! Who fucking does that?! And the prof gets all up in this kid's business about if he didn't want to pay attention he should leave, meanwhile this adult asshole sits back all smug with himself for tattling on an 19 year old kid. clap clap fucking clap. Pretty much everybody in the room was heckling him under their breath for being such a moron. I wanted to throw my coffee cup at him.
Who does that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I mean REALLY! What a crazy bastard.

Anyway.

Last night was another good night. Went to the Art Gallery to check out the 60's in Canada exhibit ( http://www.gallery.ca/exhibitions/exhibitions/sixties/english/index.html) . It was totally cool. They had this one part where it was the first 10 seconds of the top 100 songs from the 60's. And MAN! The music.... I have a hardcopy list... so cool. It was really weird because most of the songs triggered some sort of memory as soon as I heard them. Definately really cool.

Then, we met up with the boys and went to Second Cup and me and Kat had our plams read. It was pretty cool.. I don't really feel like posting all the deats here... Ask me about it and I'll tell you. It was cool, but at the same time for the amount of $$$ I shelled out, I sort of expected more I guess? I dunno when i went to see the tarot lady at the end of summer she was really good. Like the stuff came true good. This palm lady makes me skeptical I guess? (yeah I know skeptical about a palm read.. who'da thought?) But yeah... anyway It was a good night.

Tonight is Sin City woooop! Should be pretty cool hopefully. It's a night outa the appartment at the very least..

2 more days of class.... yesssss and woaaah all at the same time.

Overheard in Ottawa Part 2

2005-03-27T22:23:00.000-04:00

Because I just rembered...

Fashion Cop: Green is so not an everyday colour. Now blue, blue is an everyday colour.

Overheard in the Byward Market

Jesus would have wanted it this way...

2005-03-27T16:29:00.000-04:00

Before you get all offended by the title, chill my friend.

This weekend.... wow..
I am so effed school wise, but sometimes you just have to say, to hell with it and give'er hardcore for a weekend.... just perhaps don't time it so it's smack at the end of the term when you have essays and stuff due that you have no clue what to do for. Ahem.
Anyway.

Thursday night.. or should I say friday morning... I went home on the bus that was taking most people to work...I walked part way from downtown, which of course involved walking by Parliment. As I scurried by, reeking of booze with my crusty mascara been up all night squinted eyes I could not help but feel just a little.... I'm not sure the word that fits here.. Either way, living in Ottawa is often a very surreal experience.

Friday naturally was a waste of a day.

Saturday was another good one. There were a zillion people out and about because it was just do damn nice out. I LOVE SPRING. Attended a very chill party, played some fuck up, drank some beer, had a real meal of actual good food and juct kicked it with some friends.

And now here I am, even more unsure about what I'm doing... gaah... the part of me who wants to say eff it all and just call the whole thing off is growing by the day. Will I make it until the end of April without doing something drastic? I would feel like the flightiest person in the world if i did a turn around now. Not to mention the fact that there would be some super pissed off ladies whom I don't really want to do that to. I can't even remember first semester when I was just so fed up with everything and ready to quit school all together and go home to collapse in a heap. I know if happened, but it's such a distant thing to me now. There's so much stuff, and so many people that I wish I would have come across a lot earlier than the last couple of months. EFF man... EFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I could just like have somebody else decide for me, and have it be the right decision and the one that was best for everybody...

Raaah... I need groceries.. and I need to read.

But Happy Easter for shizzle.

It was all yellow

2005-03-23T12:16:00.000-04:00

The status as of 11:17am on Wednesday:
Brit Lit: 3 classes
Can Lit: 3 classes
Psych: 2 classes
Roman Hist: 2 classes
Historian's Craft: 2 classes

So thats a total of..... 12 classes. Now, assuming that I skip on average, 2 classes a week, that's about 4 classes gone, thus making the final number of classes I have left: 8. That ain't not bad.

I've been thinking a lot about my new appartment lately. I've never seen it, and I don't know how big my room is or anything, but I've decided that I want to decorate my room somehow. Not just random shit on the walls and everywhere like I usually do. No. This room needs a theme. Tropical is the most logical theme, blues and greens, waves, palm trees, bamboo... etc. It would be totally boss if I could find an old surf board and make it into a table. Plus, I have an inflatable palm tree in my room at home, which I could easily put in my new place. Hmmmmm the possibilities

MAD PROPS to my MOM! I just got an easter package... sweeeeet
And Harley is on the front page of the newspaper? Wiggity fuckin wack...

Anyway.....

To my liver- I appoligize to you in advance for this weekend... Don't hate me...

Thursday= A re-celebration of St. Patty's Day
Friday= Kat's Sister comes
Saturday= Evan's B-day

Oh yeah and I suppose I should read my last brit lit book and write a paper..... plus I want to go to the art gallery to see the 60's exhibit....

Speaking of touristey things to do in Ottawa...
I went to Parliment Hill last night. First off, the peace flame was definately out... What does that mean?? Either way, I sat and drank my coffee facing parliment.. how chill is that? I mean... if we were in any other country, me and evan would have been shot for even thinking about sitting and drinking coffee on parliment hill..
One thing is definately for sure, Ottawa is a pretty cool place... Minus the rediculous coldness and stuff.. I'll for sure be sad to leave.

I really need to get on the job finding boat. Everybody else seems to have that kind of sealed up for the summer and I haven't really given it much thought. It would be pretty tight to bartend somewhere. Provided the money I would make would be comparable to the money I could make waitressing. Because lets face it, it's not about the work, it's about the money. And the more of it I can make the better. I think bar wise Pacifico would be my dream place to work. I could dress up for work every night, and it's a super nice club that's not at all skeazy like the Dome. Rain would be cool too, although Rain strikes me as being somewhat sketchy. Or the casino.... But then I would have to wear theit stupid uniform... soo yeah not so much.

I turn 20 in 23 days...... yikes.

Hello Pot? Yeah this is the kettle, calling you black.

2005-03-16T12:41:00.000-04:00

First of all, I would just like to say that it's a funny thing how age means absolutely nothing in terms of maturity.
Argh. Now that the angst has been released (really why do I waste my energy on someone so insignificant?)...

Just been trucking along lately, head down, gotta getter done.
I booked my plane ticket home, April 30th, 6:30pm is when I leave this city. Luckily the lovely Ms. Feener is coming up with my ma and pa to accompany me home, because I think that I will most definately be in need of some accompaniment. I've come to the point with all of this, that this is my attitude: I've gone too far with the whole idea of moving home to back out.
It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I am torn, and I have met a lot of really super cool people here that I wish I would have known earlier because I might not be in the situation that I am now? At any rate, I have a feeling that Halifax is going to rock the proverbial casbah due entirely to the super cool ladies I will be living with.

I think I am getting sick. I feel like I swallowed some sandpaper last night...

I went to play badminton last night, only to get there and realize that I forgot my gym shoes. So then I had to book it back to my place and then book it back to the Y. Needless to say, I got a workout and a half last night and it felt pretty good. I really need to start going to the gym. But then again, I've been saying that all year. I always feel so good when I come back from the gym, but then I feel like I never have time. Every week I keep thinking that this will be the week that I will finally get time, but then something else always comes up. Or I can't fall asleep until 4am like last night and so I sleep in instead of getting up early and doing something productive.

Oh yeah, If you read this!! PLEASE! Comment with your favourite Beatles song!

It would totally help me times like 1 million. I'm writing a paper about the Beatles and how their music influenced culture and music, and I have to make a CD to accompany the essay, so I want one track to be like "people's chioce" So yeah.... DO IT!!!

PS. Watch the men's event at the world skating championships! The Swiss leader is HOT LIKE THE SUN! AND he skated to the DOORS!!! and he wore lime green.... Can you go wrong!? Shit no! Plus Canada has a chance to medal...

This, That and a Bag of Lettuce

2005-03-04T18:37:00.000-04:00

Hello loyal readers!
Hell- who am I kidding.. Whaddup to the 4 people who might read this thing eh? Make yourselves heard. Comments don't hurt or cost anything... dooo it.

The big news of late for me is of course my acceptance to DAL. Yeah wooot! I gotter done. And now to get done the rest of this school year. It strikes me that it is March and woah, I am running out of money, ambition and health. I always hate this final push because you are so freaking close, yet you've been given'er for 7 months already, and you're tired. You're damn tired as a matter of fact. And of course, money and health runs out too. Is there a correlation? Who knew that eating KD and salad from a bag isn't so health as it may seem. At least in res there was all kinds of healthy food to ignore. I feel kinda lame eating cereal for supper these days since I do have the means to cook something. I do know one thing- if i have to eat another burnt stirfry i might just ralph.

And speaking of food, my mom sent me a care package(!!!!!)
Crackers, cheese, bread, CAKE, popcorn and peppermints. Yes. Rock on mom. My mom loves me more than your mom loves you. Have doubts? Ask yuorself when the last time was YOUR mom sent you cake....

And so if it were no blatantly obvious already, I am not the next martha stewart. Did you know there is actually a place on the internet that tells you how to do laundry? Yeah, I read it ok? Its not that I don't know how, its just that lately the washing machiene and I haven't exactly been on good terms. I say, "wash my clothes" and it says "FU MEL!" and proceeds to spew its contents on the floor, or produce double suds that force me to do a whole new wash cycle just to get rid of them. Its a tough life. I swear it.

I have also been in a huge musicl rut lately. I am now up to almost 7 days worth of music on my computer alone, plus the 100+ CD's that I have. Except I don't want to listen to ANY of it. So like, WTF? I feel like I've sort of exhausted my possibilities. I've done the classic rock thing, I've done the 90's thing, I'm done the "the" bands thing, I continue to detest the 80's save for U2, the police and I'm sure a few others that I am neglecting in my haste. But yeah, its like 5000 songs and nothing to listen to.

Tomorrow night I am going to see "Be Cool" it seems like it should be pretty... cool. And sober. which is the main point. Because lets face it, I've been no stranger to the bottle as of late, and this month has some major drinking days in it (st. patty's day, evan's birthday, cheap monday night drinking.. etc) so i don't want to drink up the budget before the first week of the month is even over.

School is.. school. I am determined to get an A in something. As an overall mark, not just on an assignment. I feel like it's totally in reach for more than just a few classes, but will I do it? Or will I cop out and retreat to my loft in favour of the company of my televsion? Sweet sweet satellite TV I will miss you...

Anyway, the dishes call my name, the history essay mocks me and I am wishing it was May.

My Life as of the last little while..

2005-02-26T20:23:00.000-04:00

The short form version...

- Got accepted to a school in Halifax
- Signed a lease (well I didn't ersonally, but my roomates did for me) for an appartment in Halifax
- Drank like a drunk fish last week
- Went to TO
- Came back so broke that its sickening
- Slept in until 3pm today
- Not really feeling myself lately
- Exams are finished April 28th
- I'm not overly impressed by this
- I want to go on a trip this summer, but I cannot decide the destination
- I can't believe its almost March
- I don't know if I can survive the workload bewteen now and then.
- I want this year to be over, but at the same time I want everything to slow down. I will be gone too fast and I am not ready.

That is all...

I present to you...

2005-02-26T20:14:00.001-04:00

One Tuesday Night In Ottawa.....

Featuring: Kat, Mel, Zach and Kevin

The beginning of the end...

2005-02-26T20:14:00.000-04:00

The beginning of the end take 2...

2005-02-26T20:13:00.000-04:00

Chillin' and Illin'

2005-02-26T20:12:00.000-04:00

Chillin with another hommie

2005-02-26T20:10:00.000-04:00

that ain't just coke in that bottle...

2005-02-26T20:09:00.000-04:00

The tourist shot

2005-02-26T20:07:00.000-04:00

The end of the night

Ottawa, I'm yours...

Monday back from the dead...

2005-02-14T13:15:00.000-04:00

Well, let's see...

Today is V-day, though I don't intend to go on some crazed rant about how it's a stupid day created by greting card companies and all the typical rant type stuff. So basically, good for ya if you eat some chocolate and get some roses or whatever, and if not, chocolate will rot your teeth and flowers make a mess when they die anyway.

Among things that I hate lately, my appartment tops the list. (well, lets be honest, it's second behind somebody else.) Why? I'll tell you.
It's small, cluttered, and cramped. I feel kind of trapped in it and I am seriously fantisizing about March 1 when i can tell my landlord to go find somebody else to live in this shitbox. On top of that, it's been random noisy lately. There is this small dog that lives in the ajoining house that only barks at night, and I am starting to think that maybe it's not really a real dog but some sort of recording designed to keep people away or something. As well, this morning I woke up to random banging. It sounded like the door outside that houses the garbage stuff was like banging against the house in the wind or something..... for 5 hours. And everytime that it hits, it makes the glass fish on my mirror hit against the mirror, thus making the hitting noise even more annoying due to the 1- 2 punch effect.

I'm also pretty damn happy to be finished working. It was only for 2 weekends, and the amount of money I made is incredible really. It was still however, one of the worst jobs ever. Cold, repititious etc. but especially cold.

I came to a conclusion as well. I may not know what it is that I want to do with my life, but I do have a growing list of things that I know I don't want to do for the rest of my life. It's my thinking that eventually the list will be long enough that realizing what I do want to do will just be a process of elimination.

Of course rock star is still my #1 career choice, but I think a certain degree of talent and ambition is involved. Of which I have very limited supplies. Especially ambition.

Last night was a random good time. It's 9pm, I am in sweats under a quilt, watching the grammy's. But THEN! 30min later, I was at a bar, drinking beer with the Ottawa 67's hockey team and my friend Kat and her friends from home. At midnight, I come home, drunk off of free beer and quite satisfied that I didn't just go to bed early because I was tired, and had curly hair.

So now, I am slightly hung over, on a Monday morning on a cold and grey Ottawa day.

blah

2005-02-08T20:25:00.000-04:00

Today has been a very blah day
Blah weather, grey skies and dirty snow.. I hate dirty snow..
I hate early spring too. But is it even early spring? It feels and looks like it, but its only February.. isn't it supposed to be snowing and cold?

I feel like I'm treading water and running out of energy in regards to school. I was doing so well and then all of a sudden my stamina is wearing off. I am behind for the first time all year. But I can't sink because now is when it counts.

I wanted to stay home today and read, wear sweat pants. Drink hot chocolate. Not feeling very good about anything today, one of those days when my appearance matches my mood too. I managed to spill coffee all over the front of my white sweater, and then walk around all day not knowing about it.

I've been having weird dreams lately about people from my past. Also a lot of material dreams, dreams where I am in malls and all the stores are huge and colourful and stocked full of cool stuff but I can never go into the stores for some reason. I have this recurring dream about this one mall.. What the hell? I'm not an overly materialistic person either, or atleast I don't think I am. I'm sure its some kind of symbolism for.... something...

Still in desperate need of a shake up. I think the routine is draining my energy, I can't seem to get rested. I'm worried that my non sleeping is coming back too. I can't afford to not be sleeping now on top of this.... I think moving out of here will solve a lot of problems. It's never felt like home, in fact I often feel extremely uncomfortable here. Not the city, its specific to the appartment.

99 Red Balloons reminds me of summer, and a specific summer memory- driving back form rissers beach with kyle and matt like 4 years ago. The sun was shining, it was warm. The river road is probably one of my favourite drives ever.

Gotta go play badminton.

You know your life is in a rut when you shake things up by buying a different type of pasta...

2005-02-04T18:37:00.000-04:00

Fo' sure.

It's been wicked dull around here lately. Just the usual. The status quo if you will.

Get up, eat breakfast, go to school, come home, have supper, read, bed. Lather. Rise. Repeat. Oh Scratch that. Throw Badminton in the mix there once a week. Now there's variety for you.

You must be thinking that, surely Mel with your downtown lifestyle (you don't get much more downtown than having a gay sex store at your bus stop) there must be SOMETHING to do... And I have this to say. I'm more than sure there is SOMETHING to do, but where? and what is it? does it cost money? can i bring my friends? would my friends even want to go??

The point is folks, I am bored. And not just bored in that sitting at the computer playing card games because there's nothing ont TV kind of bored. I'm talking the, Oh man, my routine is so scheduled that you sould set you clock to it bored. I think i might even be wearing the same clothes on the same days of the week, week after week.

The sad thing is, as stagnent and dull as this all is, its strangely comforting... But thats the problem.. there's no edge, no pizzaz no anticipation of a new and exciting and different day.

Spectacular..

PS. Totally random quote of the day : "Spock was a moron. He would die." - My Psych Prof while explaining the importance of emotions this morning. Priceless hilarity.

Overheard in Ottawa Part 1

2005-01-30T11:09:00.000-04:00

Flamingly Homosexual Male #1 : " Spice World was like the best movie EVER!"
Flamingly Homosexual Male #2: " I know! I like saw it on the first day it was in theatres"
Flamingly Homosexual Male #1: " I still have the poster from it! There's like SO much glitter. I love it."
Flamingly Homosexual Male #2: " I'm just waiting for them to release their greatest hits."

- Overheard on the #1 South Keys bus

2005-01-28T14:05:00.000-04:00

Finally made it to Ollies last night. Not too bad at all. They played rock and not techno and all that assorted crap that usually gets played at bars. I definately didn't make it to my 8:30 class this morning.

I dyed my hair, it looks pretty freakin boss, although I already miss my normal hair. But whatever... it's only hair and it will grow back eventually.

Jimmy Swift Band is playing downtown tonight. I had no idea and I'm pissed because I really would have like to have gone. My liver and my bank account will be happy that I won't be attending however.

DAL application = done.
SMU application(I know... its like my back up, back up...) = on the way
MSVU application = will be done this weekend.

It's happening man... even though i keep waiting for something to come along and ruin it all. That's a pretty negative way of looking at things though, but whatev.. it will all work out fine

PS. I am listening to Freebird and eating jellybeans... jealous?

2005-01-25T20:30:00.000-04:00

I was walking home the other day and I could hear a train in the background. This reminded my of Sunday Driver- Buck 65
and then I thought, wouldn't things be so much better if there was a running soundtrack all the time?

500 Channels and nothing to watch

2005-01-23T16:13:00.000-04:00

This is the last time i do my homework a day early. I thought that if I accomplished a whole bunch yesterday i could just waste today away. Which realy, wasn't a bad idea. Except that Sunday TV sucks, MSN is down, I have no money, and absolutely NO work to do. I mean I guess I could read ahead, but then what am I going to do the rest of the week?
I need a hobby. Or a job...

So last night. I broke my own record by drinking an entire bottle of wine in about.. I dunno, 20 minutes? Not even. Way to go.

I was hammered, as usual. My friends had to catch up and I made an ass of myself. Woo. Who knocks their own full drink into their lap? I mean honestly... Only I would be able to do that.

Anyway.. random people random times. It should be a self-confidence boost yet it really isn't. This routine is getting pretty tired

In other news..

I've been listening to a lot of... raunchy(?) music lately? Not on purpose, I've just been downloading all this new music and then noticing that a lot of the songs are really raunchy. For example, Instant Pleasure- Rufus Wainwright, Jealous of your Cigarette- Hawksley Workmen, and My Favourite Underware- Liz Phair

Good times on the playlist of me.

Ps. If you ever get the chance to go see Cuff the Duke live, I cannot stress enough how much you should go do that. They're one of those bands that's way better live than on their CD. Anyway that's my 2 cents for the day.

Pretty Girls with Pretty Hair Cuts...

2005-01-22T02:52:00.000-04:00

WOAH! SO much awesome.
Joel Plaskett Concert tonight. Let me just take a minute.

Ok.

Despite the fact that it was sub-zero in the building, it was an amazing show. The 2 opening bands were really good which is pretty rare, I really enjoyed them. The first was called Two Hour Traffic, they're from PEI, if you ever have the chance to check them out i highly recommend it. Then there was Cuff the Duke from Oshawa ON. They were frickin amazing. The last song they did the lead guitarist played his guitar with a bow. They reminded me of a cross between Godspeed You Black Emperor and like... the Mellowtones from Halifax? Weird sound, amazing band. I bought their CD. But then. THEN my friends, Mr. Plaskett himself came on.... woah dude.

First song they played was Work Out Fine, which was awesome. By the time JPE took the stage the crowd was pratically chanting Joel! Joel! Joel!
Among the other stuff they played: Radio Fly, Down at the Khyber, You came Along, Red Light, Joel played a solo acoustic version of True Patriot Love. They played an encore, first song was from the new album wich Joel did solo and acoustic again, it was called The reason that I Love this Town, which was dedicated to Halifax and was so cool. Definately made me homesick. They also played Come on Teacher which was pretty tight...
Man.. anyway all in all, well worth the price to see them.
And now to bed. Since it's frickin freazing and I cannot feel my toes. Thank you and Goodnight.

2005-01-20T16:42:00.000-04:00

So I'm skipping yet another class, really just because I don't particularly want to go, you dig?

Uhm.... anyway I'm really bored..
Ok then.

What's With Today, Today?

2005-01-19T22:23:00.000-04:00

So this Week eh? A total waste. The last week of school days, I have attended 2 classes, 1 was just presentations, so I didn't really need to be there.

I just.don't.care.

About school, about learning, about grades about anything academic. I want summer, I want a job, I want money. As much as I want to have an exact repeat of last summer, I know that if I live at home and do the same job that my expectations will not be met. Expectations always fall short it seems. Last summer was like *the* summer. The one that will always be remembered as one of the standout memories of a lifetime.

Whatever, either way this summer should be one to remember as well if all goes according to plan.

Speaking of the plan, the weight of it is starting to set in. 4 more months- not even- and then on to something completely new... Once again..
But then I think that, do i really want to start afresh again? I have friends here, but then again I have friends there too. I am not myself here, I lack the confidence that I have when I am at home. I don't feel appreciated here, I feel accomidated... sometimes.
Not in a negative way, I love my friends and I (think) that they feel the same. Despite the complaints, I generally have an awesome time here whenever there's a happenens a' happening.

Speaking of which, Joel Plaskett on Friday night. I've waited like, I dunno... 8 years to finally see this guy live? That might be an exaggeration, but I've been listening to his music for a hell of a long time.

Speaking of cool stuf from Halifax, http://overheardinhalifax.blogspot.com check it out. It's a good idea. Maybe I will start an overheard in Ottawa....

Ps. I like Bob Dylan a lot lately.

Numero Uno

2005-01-09T18:43:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to actually write down stuff instead of just thinking about it, I'm going to do it up. Not that I think I have anything particularly pressing to write down, but really, who decides that one anyway. In the run of a day, a lot of random things happen to a person when they're out and about. Living in a big city makes these things occur more frequently I find. So maybe I'll write about those things, and maybe I won't. Who's to say.