blah

Today has been a very blah day
Blah weather, grey skies and dirty snow.. I hate dirty snow..
I hate early spring too. But is it even early spring? It feels and looks like it, but its only February.. isn't it supposed to be snowing and cold?

I feel like I'm treading water and running out of energy in regards to school. I was doing so well and then all of a sudden my stamina is wearing off. I am behind for the first time all year. But I can't sink because now is when it counts.

I wanted to stay home today and read, wear sweat pants. Drink hot chocolate. Not feeling very good about anything today, one of those days when my appearance matches my mood too. I managed to spill coffee all over the front of my white sweater, and then walk around all day not knowing about it.

I've been having weird dreams lately about people from my past. Also a lot of material dreams, dreams where I am in malls and all the stores are huge and colourful and stocked full of cool stuff but I can never go into the stores for some reason. I have this recurring dream about this one mall.. What the hell? I'm not an overly materialistic person either, or atleast I don't think I am. I'm sure its some kind of symbolism for.... something...

Still in desperate need of a shake up. I think the routine is draining my energy, I can't seem to get rested. I'm worried that my non sleeping is coming back too. I can't afford to not be sleeping now on top of this.... I think moving out of here will solve a lot of problems. It's never felt like home, in fact I often feel extremely uncomfortable here. Not the city, its specific to the appartment.

99 Red Balloons reminds me of summer, and a specific summer memory- driving back form rissers beach with kyle and matt like 4 years ago. The sun was shining, it was warm. The river road is probably one of my favourite drives ever.

Gotta go play badminton.