I keep hearing your concern about my happiness...

I just read this article, that I found from this blog and it struck a chord for some reason. I don't think I even realized that blogging was a possible outlet for bigger and better things. Sure, I mean I knew that famous and influential people kept blogs, and I know that I personally read a few (though, admittedly, their gossip blogs, but that's on the DL. I have a reputation to keep...) but seriously? Blogging as a way to get your break? It seems so... I don't know.... Some random person internet lurking your personal thoughts as a way to find new talent and make money. I guess its a neat concept.

I have a site counter, that shows me the locations of the people who visit here, and based on those locations I can make educated guesses about who is looking at this and reading it, but I'm never really sure. Sometimes I get hits from far away, some times they're me checking the site several times a day. But that's also when I know its time to go do something else because its turning into an obsession.

I honestly don't know that I would have the dedication it takes to make blogging something that would eventually lead into a career. I frankly don't have all that much to say sometimes, or atleast enough relevant stuff that I think anybody else would possibly want to read or that I would possibly feel like sitting down and typing out.

I more than flirted with the journalism thing. I was in a three year relationship with it. A couple of times when I wrote my column for the local newspaper, I would get comments from people out in public about how much they enjoyed reading my writing. I will admit it was a total thrill. When I wrote my first one, family friends clipped it out and sent it to me in the mail with a note attached with words of encouragement. It was no Globe and Mail with millions of readers, but it was something. There is a definite rush having other people read your words, whether its in a small community newspaper, or through sometimes incoherent ramblings on the internet in the form of a bloc post.

Don't get me wrong. This is not to say that I suddenly want to be a journalist again. We were incompatible, we had to break up. But at the same time, I will not deny how much I actually like to write. That being said, I don't do it nearly enough. I use the excuse of time, when in reality, being a double major in English and history leaves little time or desire to write for fun. Or I guess so idlest. Even paper writing can be fun sometimes.... Well.. Seldom.. and only kinda when it happens.

Sometimes I will write something, pass it in, and then re-read it when I get it back and think to myself, "I actually wrote that? Wow.... That's kinda... smart..." and then other times I'm like, "I actually passed that in?? oooh...."

When I write really intensely, I don't think about it. It just flows out. Perhaps that's what some people would call a gift, to me that's how its always been. (and for the record, I don't think I'm a gifted writer) I never have to work very hard to get the words on to the page. Sure I get stuck sometimes, but its more like a mud hole than quicksand. But I also fond it enjoyable. There is an immense sense of satisfaction in seeing the word count increase and the pages fill. I guess that's the part I enjoy most of all about writing.

Writing for me has always just kind of been there, its what I have done, what I do, and what I will probably continue to do in the future. I've always joked that I was going to write a novel, or a book of some sort, and I guess I really do. But for now I am pretty content to sporadically post random shit like this for all the internet world to see.

* ps, ironically, my blog spell check, doesn't recognize the word "blog"