I'm going from strange to stranger every year

Huh. So it's mid- August already.
This is the time of summer when my spelling and grammer reaches its pinacle of poorness because I have been working for 4 months and the only thing I have to worry about spelling is "pint of keiths" or "seared scallops" when I make notes to myself on what tables are ordering.

I've been becoming very bitter lately. I'm reaching a point. I'm unhappy, but I don't know where I see myself that would be a happier spot. You dig? Like, I feel as though it's a big case of same shit different locations. So you might as well just stick with the devil (aka the shit) that you know. The comfortable shitty situation versus the uncomfortable and new one.

I want school to start. I want a change. I'm not ready to go to school full time and work full time again though. I'm tired. I'm real friggen tired as a matter of fact. I wrote my last exam on Wednesday in April and by Friday I was working full time again. Sure I had a week to go to MTL and TO which was a welcome break, but lets be serious, I just drank and walked around and drank and didn't do much resting.

I want to get this show on the road. I want to be ha;f way done my last year of university, but the thought of that time terrifies me. For 17 years I've had someone on my scholastic ass telling me that I have to go to school. I have to graduate and do well. But now it's all me. 8 months from now any further schooling will be my responsibility. I will have to pay for it, decide what it is I want to do. Where I want to go. When I want to even go.

I feel like I'm tied to a giant elastic rope, and it's anchored to like responibilities or something... and I've been sprinting in the opposite direction of all that and pretty soon I'm going to hit the resistence point and I am going to fly all around in a chaotic manor.

That was a lot more dramatic sounding that necessary...

But still... The water wings and training wheels are falling off... it's either swim, or peddle or whatever or sink/crash.

I want to take a year off and travel. I need to see something other than this and to experience something other than my safe student lifestyle. I need to get lost in a big city and be okay with that. I need to miss a train and know that another one will come eventually. I just need to learn some lessons outside of the classroom. The trouble with being responible and a bit of an old soul is that it leaves little room for immature fuck ups and experiences and lessons. I need to give that to myself.

Not saying that I want to go and run around and be dangerous and unsafe and risk life and limb for some stupid adventure. But I want to take some risks. Live a little.



It's cold. It feels like October. I secretly like the change in the air. That perceptable difference between summer's stifiling heat and the cool crispness of fall. I love walking in it. I like the feel of the cool air in my lungs and on my cheeks. By this time of the summer I am craving curling up in a big sweater and being cozy and warm. One of my favourite high school memories involves a picnic on a beach in late september and the feeling of the cool air from the ocean but the warmth from the sun. And wearing a big sweater and just running around on the rocks and acting like a complete and utter tool but just loving it. Frolicing basically.

Well, I guess thats enough nostalga and pouring everything out for awhile. To the grocery store.. and bank... I lead an exciting life.