I know you read this.... I can tell.

Been experiencing a serious lack of motivation lately. Or more so, I've been wondering more about what I will be doing 2 years from now.
I've been thinking more seriously about English than history lately. I am way better at it, the books are classes are more interesting, but it also seem so utterly useless. I reaslize that an arts degree on its own is useless, but a masters in english seems pretty useless as well. I really don't want to be a teacher. A prof maybe, but not a high school teacher or something. I sort of already persued the idea of being a writer with journalism. I find that I don't have the motivation to write anything besides what I have to do for school. Even that stuff is mostly uninspired crap written on a page to fulfill the requirements of the assignment.
I suppose I write here, but this isn't exactly oozing creativity and talent either.
I find lately there is no greater joy for me than going to bed early and sleeping in. To me that is my ultimate treat: getting to sleep in past 9am and being in bed by midnight. Let the good times roll.
I don't even want to go out through. I am content to come home and just do whatever it is that I do to pass the hours when I am not at school or work. This is such a far cry from my life last year. I don't think I can recall a sober weekend. I went out min. 1 night a week and drank and even if I didn't go out to drink I did *something*. I look at saturday night, which I have off, and get excited because I will have time to come home and read, and maybe work on an assignment or two. What the hell? I mean, that is seriously like negative amounts of fun... but what else is there to do?
It's like a rut... but a different type of rut. My ruts before have been about just.... lowness.. Feeling low in general. Now I am just sleepy, but not altogether unhappy. I am 20 going on 70. The idea of retiring is appealing. Bus tours and bland food don't sound all that bad. Naturalizer shoes are actually quite comfortable. I could dress eccentrically and brightly and be excused for it. I want a rocking chair and a blanket. I find young people annoying and loud...
I walk though the halls at DAL and see a first year class in the hallway. It makes me feel old.. and tall.. but mostly old. When really, I am only 2 years older- if that. There's sjust something missing lately and I can't really say what it is.
Sometimes I feel like I have all these ideas, but just no way of getting them out there. And sometimes it doesn't even bother me. I just have the nagging feeling that I should be out having more fun or soemthing. I don't want to look back 10 years from now and be like, gee I wish I would have had some more fun while I still could. I feel too responsible sometimes. I forget how to be a slacker and make stupid immature decisions. Not that I want to like self-destruct or something instead, but playing it safe is getting pretty boring.
I feel like this is all I ever talk about. I feel like I have been pondering and writing about this subject forever... ughhh... so boring.
PS Everybody should listen to the Doves...

Mixed drinks and techno beats

Why does Snoop carry an umbrella?

Fo' drizzll....

snap.

It's been raining now for 2 weeks I swear..
The weather is fitting to my mood.
40+ hour weeks and school have gotten the better of me.
Surprisingly it took a month and a half to happen.
I just want to sleep for a day
Joel Plaskett both opened and closed his show with "From the Back of the Film"
I liked it
(and realize it was 2 weeks ago) (but I also realize that it seems like 2 months ago)
I am thinking of getting rid of my 2-tone hair
I can wear real earings again soon
This excites me, but I also wish I would have just gotten tunnels and left them stretched
I've been listening to a lof ot The Doves lately
they're really good, and worth checking out
I suggest Black and White Town
My parents are getting a new puppy.
Her name is Ruby and she is a black lab
I am excited because I will have something to entertain myself with over Christmas break.
I am also dreading being home for an extended period of time.
I made it 4 hours last time before I wanted to leave.... and I was only there for a total of 20 hours...
I want to go on a vacation
I want to go some place warm and sit on the beach and drink for a week and not have to do or think about anything
I can't say that I am overly sad or despressed
just unsettled
restless even
In fact, I would say I have been quite happy lately
I still need a getaway though
I have Friday off
I am going to nap, and go shopping.
I can pick up my ipod nano tomorrow after school
I am going to start skating again... assuming I can make it out of bed in time for practice... so really, maybe I won't be starting skating again any time soon
I am tired
I am going to bed.